Pioneer | #Wholehearted Review

Oh 2014, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways . . .

It’s been a while since I’ve visited this here blog. I’ll be real with ya—I’ve been cheating on you! *sigh* It’s true, with my current schedule, I’ve only had time to work on one devotional/blog a month and it’s all been put into our Westside Kids weekly newsletter, THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR:

 

See, look! Our youth and children’s ministry parents get one of these delivered to their Inboxes each week! They take a bit of work, but it’s a labor of LOVE. 🙂

 

Still, I wanted to let you know that I think of you often, and I’ve made it a goal this year to get back on track with this blog (along with our weekly RD). There are a lot of cool conversations, design ideas, and stories I really want to share with you in 2015 and I’m moving you up on the priority list . . . HOORAY!!

However, before we dive into a new year, I find it’s only right for me to take some time to share with you how this past year has shaped up with my yearly focus of WHOLEHEARTED. I can honestly say that I’ve seen every aspect of that word show itself in my life this past year. For example, this blog. I’ve been so focused on getting my whole heart wrapped up in the present that I haven’t taken much time to reflect on it here to store for memory’s sake. That doesn’t mean logging it in wasn’t on my mind, it just didn’t make it to my heart this time around. So here’s the recap you’ve all (2 of you reading this) have been waiting for!! (You HAVE been waiting, right?! . . . even just a little? No, okay. Well then just humor me here . . . )

 

January
{Take Inventory of Where You’ve Been And How That Will Propel You To Where You Want To Go}

I cleaned my schedule up for the first time and made it a priority to set some important things as actual dates on my calendar. For instance, my ministry meetings, family phone calls, and workouts. I spent the beginning of the year focusing on what was most important to me and what I wanted to build on for 2014 > time with family. I flew home to be with my family at the beginning of the year and redeemed a lot of time lost with them across the miles. I said NO to a few things that were wants but not needs, and made sure to give myself plenty of downtime to just “BE”—early morning quiet times, walks around Green Lake, walks around Downtown Seattle, crafting, CSI Binges . . . you know, all the GOOD stuff! I still stayed pretty busy, but it wasn’t a bad busy. It was a fulfilling busy that allowed for some special and precious moments to treasure for years to come.

My first (and only) Seahawks shirt! My little buddy Joe is a MUCH bigger fan than I am. 😉

February
{Cultivate Authenticity}

I got even more honest with my accountability partners and with myself. I stopped giving excuses for my actions and said things (in love) that were honestly on my heart. I eased up on the sugar-coating with co-workers and allowed them to see a more vulnerable side of my life. I questioned a lot of the things I had been doing and cut out the things I was doing as a form of escapism from having to face tough life choices. Though I was at church on Superbowl Sunday, I DID NOT watch the Seahawks win the game . . . because if I’m being AUTHENTIC, I really could care less about football. But what I do care about is spending time with people who aren’t afraid to be goofy. So I was upstairs watching Battle of the Year with 2 of my youth group kiddos, having dance parties and eating lots of yummy food!

One of my last nights with my Roosevelt Housemates

March
{Cultivate Self-Compassion}

This one actually took a lot of work throughout the month. Forgiving and offering grace to others is pretty easy to do. Yet when it comes time to forgive yourself or offer grace to yourself, the resistance kicks up a notch. It’s so easy for me to hate on myself, and not in a humble way either. I’ve struggled with self-pity quite a bit in life. God did a lot of work on my heart during the month of March and brought me to a place of reciting to myself in the mirror each morning: God chose to wake you up this morning. You are beautiful and you matter to God. Today is your day to live life to the fullest. Go get ‘em! I think it was a timely discipline because toward the end of the month, I was making a big move . . . from Northgate to Greenlake. It was a big move that was coming at the same time that I was heading out to Atlanta, Georgia for my first experience at The Orange Conference. I was nervous I would forget something, or that things wouldn’t work out, but reciting those kind words to myself each morning eased the stress and made the process easier for me. Though it’s not always those same words, I’ve continued the practice of self-encouragement and it’s made life a bit brighter—to believe for myself that my shortcomings and imperfections don’t define me.

April
{Cultivating a Resilient Spirit}

Cultivating a resilient spirit made more sense toward the end of the month as I spent a couple of weeks trying to understand what that looked like in light of working in ministry. It was my first year to attend The Orange Conference in Atlanta, GA and for the first time in a long time, I found “my people.” I found youth pastors who had been down the same road that I had, children’s directors who knew exactly what I was talking about when asking ministry questions, and I found people who weren’t afraid to be Big Kids and ‘let their freak flag fly!’ I flew to the conference solo, representing my church’s kids and youth ministries. When I actually attended the conference, I gained a new large group of buddies to network with. We called ourselves TEAM DETERMINED because we were determined to be on the first two rows at the conference. We wanted to be up-close-and-personal with these mighty voices who had paved, traveled, and re-routed the same roads we’d been traveling on in ministry. We would wait together in line and rush to the main floor once the doors opened each session and we’d save seats for each other. Each session began with praise & worship and I was overwhelmed with the freedom I felt during those worship experiences—something I hadn’t experienced at my own church in over a year. Not that my own church doesn’t do that, but here’s where I’ll get honest. I rarely get a chance to go upstairs for the main service. Is that bad? Yes, I’m sure it is on some level, but Sunday mornings are not always smooth sailing for me. I still get volunteers who say they’ll be there and then don’t show up at all. I still have those moments where I’m ready to sneak upstairs and one of our kids with special needs is in need of a shoulder to cry on while their Small Group Leader leads the rest of their crew in craft or prayer time. I don’t regret it for a second. Do I miss going upstairs to connect with God? Not really. I connect with God in a pretty powerful way on Sunday mornings with our kids, and then I get to listen to the sermon when it’s posted online later that week. But understanding what my resilient spirit is in light of ministry is what made me feel so overwhelmed at Orange. I wasn’t afraid to raise my hands, I hadn’t forgotten how to worship God—I even threw in some kid’s praise choreography ;). I am realizing that my church experience just looks different during this time of my life, and I’m more than okay with that as long as I still know how to connect with God and others in the midst of it.

 

May
{Cultivating Gratitude and Joy}

Gratitude and joy overflowed in my heart as I moved into a new, bigger, space in Greenlake during the month of May! I had new places to explore, and each morning gave me a new view at this special treat of a living space. I missed my old housemates, but I also love my new ones. We spent extra time in May getting to know each other better and creating precious moments. This month, I nailed my focus!

 

Summer and Eve making their debut at the Women’s Retreat!

June
{Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith}

Our annual Women’s Retreat was held during the month of June and though I had been working on cultivating that trusting faith and figuring out how intuition worked into all of it, the retreat was a much-needed boost. I was able to come face-to-face with some of my bigger faith questions and got answers to them. I opened my heart a little more to the small group of women I was with and felt challenged to carry that on through the rest of the year (and I have).

 

Who says VBS prep has to be boring? I think Perry the Parrot and The Silver Bullet would beg to differ! ;D

July
{Cultivating Creativity}

Preparing for this year’s VBS was a giant motivator for cultivating creativity. I wanted it to be a more organized, quality experience that focused less on numbers and more on connection. Praise God because that is exactly what happened! We did reach our goal of kids in attendance, which I had cut down to better serve the ratio of leaders to kids, and a large chunk of them were kids that didn’t normally attend our church or previous VBS experiences—it was a whole new crew! The entire month was spent building new sets out of the most random objects and transforming rooms into weird and wild landscapes. It also brought on a new creative challenge—I was going to take a one-week VBS experience and stretch it out to use over the course of a month as part of our Westside Kids curriculum. It was a big undertaking, but my team and I finally got things wrapped up to present a new spin on VBS, both as a series and as a summer camp experience. And since the theme was WEIRD ANIMALS, they even learned a dance to “What Does the Fox Say?” to perform on our first and last days of VBS!

 

Our WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY dance was a total hit! Oh what fun it is to answer life’s biggest questions. 😉

August
{Cultivating Play & Rest}

WEIRD ANIMALS was a huge success, both as a series and a summer camp experience. The kids loved it, the volunteers loved it, our pastoral team loved it, and I already have a handful of folks who have requested to be on the VBS team for 2015! During the rest of the month, I took extra time to unwind and rest, recounting all of the blessings that God had given us. Not only did we get a more focused KidMin team, we also got a bunch of kids that asked their parents to bring them back to our church.

 

Garden of Remembrance | Seattle, WA

September
{Cultivating Calm & Stillness}

To cultivate calm and stillness, I took extra time out each week to just explore the city with no agenda. I allowed myself to wander and take in the beauty of my surroundings. I would go to a new coffee shop and relax with some yummy coffee and a good book. I also spent more time at home, resting and enjoying the surroundings there. It refreshed me and gave me a lot of time to think on the journey I had been on thus far, and allowed me to look forward with hopeful anticipation for the rest of it.

 

October
{Cultivating Meaningful Work}

Taking over a role in any capacity makes you a magnet for tension. The first year that I was Children’s Director, I carried on our Halloween tradition of doing an “outreach” called CANDY ZONE. It was a big fall festival at our church with games, candy, and prizes. However, as I looked back on years past and got feedback from previous volunteers, I discovered that it was less “outreach” and more of a burden. We didn’t get a lot of visitors from the neighbors, just a lot of our own kids from our church. By the end of the night we’d just be dumping half a bag of candy into their buckets to get rid of it. The volunteers were wiped out and some didn’t feel fulfilled in their work afterward. One of my burning passions is to connect more with the community. That was one of the big prizes for me at the church I attended in Austin. We would host a community Easter Egg hunt at a nearby school and do community service at the local parks. Now, they have moved to having Small Groups/Ministries host neighborhood Halloween parties, giving folks a chance to connect even more with the folks ‘in their own back yards.’ So I asked myself and prayed for God to show me a way for our Kid’s Ministry to better connect with our community during Halloween. Then I got connected to an event in the Ballard neighborhood—their annual Market Street Trick-or-Treat. Thousands of kids and their families would trick-or-treat along the main thoroughfare while businesses & organizations handed out candy to them. I got our team to jump on board and the Ballard Chamber of Commerce loved it! Last year, I randomly set up shop at a main intersection and this year, they excitedly asked if our church would take that same spot again because they loved having us there! This year’s event was such a success and brought so many warm fuzzies to my heart and to the Ballard neighborhood . . . or maybe that was just the candy. 😉

 

November
{Cultivating Laugher, Song, and Dance}

‘Nuff said! I was able to cultivate all of those things into a month filled with things to laugh, sing, and dance about!

Dec. 22nd: Reflecting on the generosity of loved ones & colleagues during this season. Whether it’s been an encouraging word, a thoughtful prayer, or a warm hug ;D, it has helped to ease the homesickness of the holidays this year. ♥ #AmoXMas2014

December
{Celebrating The Journey}

This year has come and gone so fast! December was a perfect setup to reflect on the journey and celebrate every step. I made it a point this year to run a series of photos on my Instgram to help me look back at milestones along the way, so that I’d keep the moments near and dear. If you want to see those, just do a hashtag search on Instagram for #AmoXMAs2014.

 

Thanks for making it to the end here with me! I hope that your year was filled with excitement, wonder, and accomplishments far beyond what you originally set out to achieve. I know mine has! Thanks for sharing 2014 with me. I look forward to sharing even more adventures with you in 2015!

 

Happy New Year, Y’all!

Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
[Psalm 30:5]

— feeling discouraged.

 

That was my Facebook status a couple of days ago. It was a rough day. It was a rough couple of days. From feeling inadequate at both jobs, to family concerns, to doubts of self-worth, to feeling unneeded, to having nobody show up for my ministry team meeting . . . I went to bed  with my pity party hat on, crying (yes, big girls DO cry), and wondering if what I was doing even mattered. I wondered why I was trying when it didn’t seem like I was actually making a difference. I poured my heart into my work, my passions, my family, and over those couple of days, it seemed as though I had taken 2 steps forward and 15 back—I was failing big time and bringing the people I cared about down with me. I posted the above statement on Facebook, partially wanting to just “leave it behind,” partially wanting to show my weakness, and partially as a landmark frozen in social networking time. So I posted it and traveled from FB Land to my Pillow Palace. The only thing I could do in that moment to calm the mind games was ask God to be with me. No really, I simply whispered as I lay in bed, “God, be with me. Please.” Then, I turned on this song and fell asleep, unmotivated, discouraged, and defeated.

 

 

Then I woke up to a brighter day. The thoughts of inadequacy were still hiding out in the corners of my mind, even as I looked in the mirror and said, “Today will be better. It’s a new day.” The feelings lingered and I kept pressing on. I knew they would—I’ve served in ministry long enough to recognize the mind games and the trying seasons post-victory. I just wish they would get easier to deal with as time goes by. Sadly, they get trickier and hit harder the further in you go. I played some of my favorite praise & worship songs as I got dressed and headed downtown to the waterfront for a special quiet time. The water is where I connect with God the most. The boundless wonder of the fluid mass reminds me that every particle that makes up that large body of water was handcrafted by the same Creator that made me. The the same God that orchestrates the tides also orchestrates my life. The stretch of water that spills over the horizon is as boundless as the Father’s love for me. As I sat by the water, meditating on 1 Kings 19:11-12, I asked for that whisper. I asked for the peace that passes understanding. I asked for the courage to face the earthquake and the fire, and to be able to walk away like guys do when walking away from an explosion . . . in confidence, without looking back. (Look, not all my prayers are PC.)

 

 

After that quiet time, I did what any normal human being would do when they realize they are the solo kid hanging out on a pier by the cold water—I checked my text messages and I checked my Facebook. What I got was that whisper. A very loud whisper. Friends had commented and texted some of the most ENcouraging things and it combated my discouragement like a rookie in a prize-fighting ring. Though the thoughts still clung to me for dear life, they were weakened, primed for a TKO. Part of that TKO came when I showed up to work at Westside. Our associate pastor’s mother noticed me walk in, but my headphones were in (as per my usual bad habit), so I didn’t hear her calling to me. Instead, she followed me into my office and I turned in shock that someone had followed me into my office, and stumbled to my desk as I belted out a terrified scream. Once I calmed down, she asked how I was doing and knowing she hadn’t seen my Facebook post, I broke down in her arms and let it all out. I’m not sure how much of those tears were induced by the circumstances and how much was induced by having the bejeebus scared outta me, but it felt great to cling to her and just cry it out. My co-workers at the other job would be so proud of me (it’s a Counseling Resource Center and they LOVE when you show emotion). After drying my eyes a bit, I went upstairs to see my G-Mama (our Office Admin), who invited me to come talk to her about what was going on, since she had seen the post on Facebook. I talked it over with her and was left even more encouraged and finally began to feel a strong peace about things. My heart had endured some good healing that morning.

 

 

 

The pinnacle of it all, and perhaps the driving force behind this post, was what happened later that evening. As our youth group game night began, one of my students asked if they could talk to me in private. We headed to my office and they began to share with me that one of their siblings had undergone tests and that it’s more than possible that their sibling has cancer. The student was overcome with fear and the tears were flowing as they asked me to pray for their sibling and their family. In that moment, I felt a fresh wind in my sails. I felt needed again—not to be their Savior, but to stand in the gap and assure them that their family wasn’t in this fight alone. My faith activated and I prayed one of the most passionate prayers I’d prayed in a while. We both walked out of that office with empty shoulders, having cast all of our fears and doubts on God, believing for the best. We spent the rest of the evening surrounded by people who share our hope, our faith, and our love for full life. Things came full circle and I had seen that not only was this a time for me to lean on others, but to be reminded that whether I’m in ministry or not, God wants me to be a refuge for those in need. In that moment, the student and I were twinsies—both broken, both hoping for greater things, and both putting our hearts in each others’ hands. I believe that’s what God intended from the beginning and it’s one of the lessons that it’s taken me what seems like forever to put into practice: To be able to surrender that image of “having it all together” and walk with others through the truth of “I have no clue what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it because nothing makes sense right now.” In the end, we were left with a hopeful future, knowing that whatever comes our way, we still have each other and we still have God. Before I went to bed last night, I thought to myself, “What you’re doing does matter. Stay the course.”

 

 

To everyone who left encouraging messages on my Facebook, THANK YOU! To Donna Stubbert, THANK YOU!! To Glenda Wright, my G-Mama, THANK YOU!!! And to my 2Twelvers, THANK YOU!!!! Thank you all for helping me stay on the right track and for reminding me of the complete greatness of God! I think I’m ready to go another 5 rounds!

 

The Purple People Eater | Fit Life Friday

The new Starbucks red cups are out!

Do you know what that means????

More than happily embracing my favorite fall color combo: Black + Red ♡ Their Thanksgiving Blend brew is deeeelish!! And I’m really looking forward to trying their Holiday Blend too!

I mean aside from the fact that it means that you can now order a venti Caramel Brulee Latte with an extra shot, extra caramel sauce, and whipped topping . . . every day for the next 2 months, guilt-free! 

It also means that the holiday season is full-force upon us and we will be greeted more readily and heavily with EVERY opportunity to embrace the excuses that have kicked us off the path to reaching our healthy life goals. Let me just get real with you for a hot second. Even though I strive to avoid processed and added sugars, I have a sweet tooth too. However, I’m tired of letting it dominate my clarity of mind and my ability to be in control of my health. It’s for that reason that I bought some of Torani’s Sugar-Free syrups (Pumpkin Pie & Gingerbread . . . and soon, Peppermint). I’ve now given myself a way to indulge without letting the drug that sugar is, rule my mind and body.

I guess I no longer qualify as a “Starving Artist” 😉 Breakfast is served! On the menu: Spicy Garlic & Herb goat cheese omelet w/ onion & black beans + veggie mix & fresh pineapple and (of course) Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice coffee w/ Torani syrup boost! ♥ Happy Fall, y’all! ♥

One of my biggest goals this season is not to fall into the big “Holiday Trap.” It’s tough to do—we as Americans live to eat and food has become the center of our attention at every party, every meeting, everything. It’s everywhere, and coupled with our lack of self-control, it’s killing us. And I don’t just mean with diabetes and heart disease, I mean it’s killing our minds, our hearts, and our sense of wholeness as human beings. I just spent an entire evening at a Halloween event with adults who were eating just as much (if not more) candy than their kids were. That’s no big deal to me at all, but what killed me was that they would eat some and then say, things like “I know I shouldn’t.” and “Ugh. This is the 10^th Kit Kat I’ve had. I need to stop. . . after this Reese’s.”  And my favorite, “Well, I gotta test it out for my kids, right?” That breaks my heart, because whether or not they meant it as a joke, they meant it. Eating should not be something we’re ashamed of or something we have to justify.  Food should not have THAT MUCH power over us. As I’ve been on this Fit Life journey, one of the biggest things I’ve wrestled with is developing a healthy relationship with food. I don’t want to treat myself like a dog and justify every treat because I’ve “earned” it or because it’s what’s expected of me. I want to make conscious choices about what I put into my body and learn balance and healthy boundaries along the way.

Try spending 2 weeks around all of that candy, with the smell wafting in the air each time you pass by because the guys on staff have already opened a bunch of bags and started snacking into the stash non-stop throughout the days. Good thing the smell was so sugar sweet that it was mildly unappealing at times. 😐

For instance, with the holidays coming up, it’s my natural go-to to bake, bake, bake, and bake some more! Pumpkin pie, Apple pie, Berry Cakes, Cookies, and the like generally make their presence fully known in my kitchen around this time. And since I’m living the single lady life, I usually end up having a few extra slices lying around that just so happen to end up in my tummy as I mindlessly snack on them out of convenience or stress. However, I’m challenging myself to make only savory side dishes for potlucks, parties, and special events this season. I want to DISCOVER whether or not I can break the social norm and refrain from gorging on alllll the sweets that I’ll be presented with as I go about life during this hectic stressful time.

Oh hey, I even got to sneak in a good workout on Halloween! 😉 Why, oh *why* did I decide to fill up this huge tote DOWNSTAIRS when it clearly belongs upstairs?!? hahaha!

My big concerns for this upcoming season have been:

• Since I’m not going home to see family, I’m going to be more homesick, and therefore more emotional. I still struggle from time to time with emotional eating. This could all end badly and derail me from reclaiming my Fit Life. However, if I play my cards right and I do my best to plan for success, I can overcome another round of learning to not feed my emotions. I definitely want to be stronger in this!
• Being involved in ministry automatically signs you up for an increased amount of cookie exchanges, parties, events, dinners, etc. so I know that a large amount of fatty restaurant foods and sweets will be more than readily available to me after a hectic day of racking my brain to make seemingly impossible things happen and it’s more than likely that no one in attendance will care if I’m eating unhealthy foods, because we’ll all be doing it together. This is where peer pressure kicks in and that’s another hard battle for me.
• Being a Children’s Director + Youth Pastor and not using candy and treats as an easy go-to reward for these little lives, of who we are trying to teach how to live an all-around healthy, full life in Christ. I don’t want to teach these kiddos that the only way to reward themselves is with sugar treats, because God gives us so many other awesome things to reward ourselves with that won’t make us lose control, drug our bodies and cause us to bounce off the walls.
• I DO want to maintain a healthy eating lifestyle and part of it is learning to eat in moderation. I mean, I’m definitely gonna have some pumpkin pie this Turkey day, but if I can help it at all, I’m going to enjoy one slice, and not half the entire pie (I’ve been known to do that in the past, by the way). I’m also going to be sure I eat all my fruits and veggies first. Those treat my body wayyyy better than pecan pie does.

In order to take a strong foot forward to reach my goals, I used Halloween as an experiment of sorts. I mean, c’mon, being around all of that candy for the past 2 weeks has been Temptation City! However, I was able to make it through the day with the ability to consciously enjoy every single moment, not feeling robbed of treats! And unlike my episode at Easter, I didn’t binge on a bag of Reese’s afterward. 😉 What I decided beforehand was that I was going to spend the day treating myself to some healthy and fun things that I wouldn’t normally spend money on and this would be one of those extra special occasions—much like Christmas Day. I chose 3 of my favorite fruits that I rarely buy because they’re so pricey and then I stopped off at the Target dollar spot to pick out some toys that gave me warm fuzzies. If I can spend the day feeling like I’ve got treasures waiting for me, there’s less of a desire to fill that void with candy, which has a habit of making me feel good for a 2 minutes and then dropping me like a bad habit. Here’s how it all went down:

Food Indulgences: Cinnamon Apple Spice Tea (seriously tastes like hot apple cider!), Mixed berries cup, Tillamook Light Marionberry Yogurt (Marionberry is my 2nd favorite type of pie), Strawberry Lemonade Cascade Ice, & a Honeycrisp Apple = HOLY YUM!

 

Fun Feeling Indulgences: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer Coloring Books!!!!!!!!, Watermelon Fun Dip Lip Balm, A new coffee mug with one of the best phrases ever!, A coupon to Savour in Ballard (which sadly, I didn’t have time to use before it expired), and a Space Invaders Rubix Cube! 😀

And of course, I did allow myself to have a piece of candy, duh! Much to my excitement, one of our candy donations was this bag of Sugar Free Caramel Coffee Werther’s! I snagged a couple before adding them to the big Candy Zone bin, but I only ended eating one since I had been full off of the other food I’d been eating all day.

 

I made sure to eat a tasty, filling breakfast: Paleo Coconut Bread toasted w/ “Leafy” eggs and salsa 😉 Yellow peppers, my mixed berries, and TJ’s Pumpkin Spice coffee!

Snacks were packed with protein and healthy fats to keep me going full-force all day long” . . . and of course, my Werther’s made its grand entrance 😉

 

Lunch was hearty and filling: Crockpot Chicken Enchilada Soup, Salad & my beautiful, delicious, Honeycrisp Apple! (One of God’s FINEST creations!)

 

Not pictured (since it was so busy) was my dinner—Turkey sandwich, apples & veggies galore! Also not pictured is the Tupperware bowl of cauliflower that I brought into work that day JUST IN CASE I had a moment of weakness and was tempted to stress eat. For the record, I DID have a big stressful moment in the evening and I DID stress eat. Thankfully, my best friend Heather was in the kitchen with me when it happened. She made the comment about me “going to town on all that cauliflower” and I told her it was because I was so nervous and stressed about whether my 1st event as the Children’s Director would be a success or not. She gave me a chance to talk (and snack) it out and then she prayed for me and gave me lots of hugs. That gave me all the strength I needed to get through the next part of the evening. Well, that and another cup of coffee! 😉 When I got home, I busted out one of my coloring books and just took some time to unwind and get ready for bed. I felt that my experiment was successful and it gave me hope for this upcoming holiday season. I know it’ll have its ups and downs, but I’m definitely feeling more confident about it!

 

Happy Fit Life Friday, y’all!

 

I will say, I had about 7 cups of coffee total on Halloween. And let’s get real, if that’s not a TREAT, I don’t know what is! 😉

 

 

You Gotta Be

 

Life has not been peaches and cream for my mind and heart lately. As I take on new tasks at each job and as I continue to work through my demons with my therapist, I’ve realized lately and have come face-to-face with a cold hard reality that I had tried to deny for so long—I fall into the comparison trap big time.

 

I compare myself to other people in ministry and push myself to try to be as good as they are at what they do/have done.

I compare myself to photographers/designers and wonder if my work would ever be inspiring enough to be proudly displayed in someone’s house.

I compare myself to my friends who have “perfect” families that seem to operate much like The Brady Bunch.

I compare myself to funny guys and gals I see on Saturday Night Live and on The Big Bang Theory and wonder if I’ll ever have  great comedic timing and material like they do.

I constantly wonder when I’ll be fashionable enough to not live in fear of a WHAT NOT TO WEAR intervention.

I fear that I’ll never be the wife that I want to be because of my shortcomings, quirky geeky personality & OCD tendencies.

I worry that I’m not THERE for my family the way I should be. 

I compare myself to ladies at the gym who can lift heavy weights and have such incredible muscle definition.

I compare myself to others my age that have incredibly foxy boyfriends, while all I can seem to attract is 50 year-old men looking to score with a younger lady.

I compare myself to other bloggers who write incredibly informative/inspirational posts.

I compare myself to foodies that make incredible meals and I feel like the weak sauce rookie still learning how to multiply measurements for a recipe. I guess I SHOULD have paid more attention in math class.

I compare myself to my friends that are super savvy to practical, effective solutions to everyday problems. I will face a situation and be so dumbfounded as to how to handle it and they’re just like, “Oh that’s all? It’s easy,  just do this _______.” 

 

I really could go on and on. I never really saw these thoughts as breadcrumbs that lead to the Comparison Trap, but now I do and I’m trying my best to kick them outta my mind and heart. However, those thoughts and I have been friends for so long, it’s super difficult to (1) Catch them in action, (2) Give myself permission to flourish without their self-sabotaging power, and (3) Let go of them for good . . . what will I have left to hold on to when I’m feeling down and out??

I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to stand out and do something meaningful to prove myself to my friends and family. I want to be dependable and add value to the lives of others. I want to be that kind of friend where people just show up at the door needing a good cry + snuggles session and I’m ready with a box of Kleenex, a cup of coffee/tea, and a listening ear . . . but I’m hardly home and I don’t always have the “right words” to say at the ready. I often think of what I need to do to be a better friend, daughter, sibling, niece, follower of Christ, minister, designer, etc. And it’s wrong. It’s taken me a while to admit it, but it’s way wrong. And I need to shift my thinking. Thankfully, I came across this sermon series by Andy Stanley. I’ve watched it through a few times now and God is using it to reshape my mind and heart in some pretty incredible ways. I haven’t fully mastered the shift, but I’m working on it.

 

(Click here for more of the series)

I’m learning to listen to my thoughts a little more before I accept them and surrender them to God—truly casting my cares on Him. I’m striving to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk and to actually believe that people sincerely mean it when they pay me a compliment. I’m trying to refocus my mind and give myself permission to be fully me . . . and to be okay with that. I’m fighting to remind myself that I won’t be able to please everyone all the time, and that that’s okay. I’m fighting to restructure my life to make more room for “free-play” and invite more friends that I don’t spend consistent time with along with me. Some days are WINS, most days are losses, but I’m not giving up. I don’t like this trap. It keeps me up at night. It hurts my heart and mind. It’s toxic. It needs to be left in the dust. One of the major insights I was able to take away from Andy’s message is to:

 

Celebrate what God has given others and leverage what God has given you.

 

After watching that sermon series and refocusing, I’m clinging to God more than ever and doing my best to remember that this is a JOURNEY and that I need to learn to delight in the milestones along the way. God has given me gifts and skills and insight to share with others as He leads. I just need to begin taking the small, but important steps (like exposing my struggle here) to change from a “can’t do” to a “am doing” mentality. I made a promise to myself after listening to that teaching that I am going to give myself permission to love every unique aspect of who I am in Christ. I am striving to exchange my inner monologue from “If only I was ____________er,” to “Because I am ____________, I will be great at ______________.” I’m looking forward to the changes (tough as they may be) that are coming. I know that months/years from now, I’ll look back on this post and laugh, maybe even cry to see how far I’ve come. This journey is far from over!

 

What Do I Know Of Holy | Fit Life Friday

Here’s what I know of Holy . . .

God answers prayer.

And sometimes, it’s in the form of:

God is SO good to me!!

 

Yes, my friends, I’m convinced that on the 3rd day, God created coffee and He said it was MORE than Good! Also, that someone failed to mention that in Genesis.* Ohhhh wellllll. Tonight is a glorious night, and let me tell you why. It’s not just because I found this Godiva Pumpkin Spice Coffee at Safeway. It’s not just because I’m done with all my errands for the day. It’s because I’m enjoying a piping hot delicious cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee right now with NO WORRIES of dealing with an upset stomach tonight!! And yes I realize it IS past 10pm and I’m drinking coffee, and that might make me a nutcase . . . or as I like to call it, a Coffee Fanatic. 😉

 

You see, my biggest fight lately has been whether or not to cave and just buy a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks so I can get my Pumpkin Spice fix. It’s a battle because Starbucks is yet to offer a Sugar-Free option. With my recently developed sugar sensitivity, this is no bueno. I have seriously been at war in my mind as to just HOW BAD I want a PSL. I know that if I get one, even a Tall, my stomach is going to be in pain from the sugar in the syrup and who am I to turn down whip cream as well. However, now that I have this, I can just add it to my Almond Milk in the morning, sweeten it up with my raw Stevia, heat that puppy up and enjoy my 1st Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season with no fear and no regrets!!! HUZZAH!!

Also, here’s a bonus—some info on the Starbucks PSL:

a 16 ounce serving of Pumpkin Spice Latte:

• 380 calories, as many as seven Chips Ahoy! cookies
• Eight grams of saturated fat, 40% of your dietary reference intake
• 49 grams of sugar, nearly double the amount found in 16 ounces of cola
• 51 grams of carbohydrate, almost as much as four slices of white bread

(via leangreenmp.com)

 

Look, you may think I’m spouting crazy talk, but when it comes to enjoying food experiences, an upset stomach and sugar-high out-of-body-experience is a no-go. Some might think I’m cheating myself or depriving myself of the awesomeness of an authentic PSL and to that I say, “Maybe, but I’ll deal. I’ll DEFINITELY deal. In fact, I may deal up 2 homemade PSLs in the morning!” And it’ll save me some mad cash!!

 

Speaking of, here’s your PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Saturday is NATIONAL COFFEE DAY!!! And guess who’s going to be hittin’ up Krispy Kreme for some FREE COFFEE tomorrow??? This chick, right here!

 

Jump on that, folks! Do it for me. Please. 🙂 And for the beauty of coffee. Please. Let’s do it for our Country.** 😉

I remember a time long, long, long ago maybe not THAT long ago when I used to drink about 3 lattes a day. Nowadays, I stick to black drip coffee. I’ve had some people along the way ask me how I deprive myself of lattes and how I can even stand to drink black coffee, but it’s really no big. My palate has become more sensitive to the actual flavor of the roast and it feels cleaner going down. It’s just one of those things that over the course of this health journey I’ve decided just isn’t necessary. Sure, I’ll have one for a treat from time to time, but it’s not a necessity. It’s a swap I made that I’m actually pleasantly pleased with. And that leads me into today’s FIT LIFE topic . . . HEALTHY SWAPS.

 

Whenever people ask me how to start eating better, one of the first things I’ll say is . . .

Start slow.

Slowly swap out the unhealthy stuff for the wholesome real food stuff. 

 

What does that mean? That means slowly swap out the peach cobbler for just actual peaches. Slowly swap out your potato bread for whole wheat bread. At your own pace, take inventory of the things you’ve been eating and ask yourself, is there a healthier option? If you’re not sure, here’s a little infographic that might help give you a starting point.

 

Here’s another great reference chart.
(Click through for full-size photo + more info)

Other simple, healthy swaps:

1. Quinoa instead of rice or pasta
2. Shaved zucchini or spaghetti squash instead of pasta
3. Kale chips instead of potato chips
4. Coconut water instead of Gatorade 
5. Spinach and tomato sauce instead of spaghetti with sauce
6. Cauliflower instead of potatoes

Oh, and by the way, in case you were wondering . . .

 

I actually just talked with my mother earlier that my dessert for tonight was going to be an organic pear that I bought at The Peach Pit (local produce market) and she asked, “A pear? For dessert?!?” And I reassured her that for me, an organic pear is a PERFECT dessert! You guys, if you’ve yet to try one, please do so . . . soon! They’re Hallelujah good! So while it wouldn’t be in my best interest to eat a slice of Godiva White Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert with my Turkey & Veggie Skillet dinner, enjoying a piping hot cup of Godiva Pumpkin Spice coffee, and an organic pear for dessert sure is! That’s really what it’s all about—finding the right foods to fuel you that will treat your body and mind well. Simple, healthy swaps are just the beginning. Over time, you’ll begin to feel the difference in your body and your mind, and odds are, you’ll feel healthier, and that is an incredible feeling!

 

Yes, even more incredible than blasting LIFE IS A HIGHWAY with the sunroof wide open! ♡

Happy Fit Life Friday, Y’all!

 

* I’m probably going to hell for joking around like that. Fact: I live in constant fear of lightning bolts.

** 10,000 Awesome Sauce points if you get that reference and don’t think any less of me. 

What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)

Eleven days ago, I turned 30 years old, and I’ve been celebrating ever since! I’ve had a bunch of Birthday parties over the past few days, each shared with some amazing people in my life. One of my favorites was a breakfast brunch I had last Saturday. It was a smaller gathering, but it was so treasured because I was able to spend more quality time with just a handful of people as opposed to little bits of time spent with a large group of people. My friend Alisa planned the Birthday brunch so that we could celebrate both my Birthday, and our friend Elizabeth’s. We invited mutual friends and spent the time sharing laughs, stories, and wisdom with one another.

Kathy, Elizabeth, Emily, Alisa, Me, & Korin

We pick up life lessons from all kinds of sources—public lectures, movies, songs, poetry, stories, and sermons. I get some of my biggest life lessons from hearing the life experiences of others in relaxed settings and just observing the way people around me interact. That morning, we all sat down to eat a yummy breakfast at Portage Bay Cafe and I gleaned so much wisdom from the ladies surrounding me at the table. The jokes and coffee were flowing, as were the encouraging words and presents! I got some sweet gifts: a pretty plant from Alisa (which she guarantees should withstand my not-so-green thumb), new fun socks, a gift card to Hogwarts (The Jewel Box Cafe/my favorite coffee shop), and my most treasured gifts—cards with encouraging words written inside!

this card played a fun fiesta tune!

It felt great to be surrounded by my friends as I celebrated what some would call “THE BIG THREE-OH!” Honestly, I haven’t felt “older” since I turned 21. I can see and hear certain changes in my everyday life, but my perspective on life hasn’t changed much since then. I still feel very young and very free. I still feel like I have the whole world at my feet and a drive to grab life by the reigns and hang on for the ride. The day before my birthday, I decided to do something that I hadn’t done in a while. I cancelled my plans for the evening and took some time to reflect on where I’d been in the past few years, where I wanted to be during this next year of my life, and who I wanted to become as I continue to get older. It made me come face-to-face with some realizations about myself and at the end of the night, I felt ready to take another step forward, out of who I had been for the past 10 years and into a new season of life.

I thought about what mattered most to me:

my faith
my family
my friends
the students I pastor
my hobbies/passions

I thought about what doesn’t matter:

being right
situations I can’t control
not being understood by people who don’t know me
having an abundance of material possessions
selfish actions of insecure people

I thought about what I wanted to gain in this next year of my life:

more wisdom and discernment on how to positively affect the lives of others
a stronger relationship with my extended family
to sharpen the skills and talents I’ve been given
to explore more and have more adventures
to find true love and nurture it

I reflected on some nuggets of wisdom 
and made a commitment to put them into practice:

Roll with the punches
“There are many things in life that will catch your eye,
but only a few will catch your heart…pursue those.” — Michael Nolan
Life is far too short to take every thing seriously.
“It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint!” — Jane Austen (Mansfield Park)
“Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.” — Henry Ford
“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin it serenely and with too high
a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” — Emerson

A few months ago, a guest speaker came to our church and prayed for me. While he prayed for me, he prophesied some incredibly hefty things over my life. Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything hokey or like apocalyptic—it was just empowering and challenging, and humbling. In the past, I’ve been severely skeptical about those who claim to “prophesy,” mainly because it’s gotten such a bad rep in the public eye and it’s always seemed so weird to me in general. For some reason, that night as I was being prayed over, the words were real and they had actual factual meaning to my life. That a man who didn’t know me at all spoke words that dealt with the core of my heart and life, piqued my curiosity and left me thinking,”Wait. What just happened?” I can’t promise that anything or everything he said will come to pass, but it’s definitely encouraged me to think outside of the box and dream bigger. I have a CD with his prayer recorded on it. The night before my birthday, (and what spurred on this time of reflection) I listened to it. Twice. I felt the words and remembered the moment all over again and I knew that it was time to really think about and digest what was said. When he first prayed for me, the others who had heard it came up to me and were buzzing over all the great things that were said. For the next few weeks, it was the hot topic in all my discussions with friends—”So I heard so-and-so prophesied over you and that it was pretty incredible! What did he say?!?” So I had to relive it and cut the prayer down to the Sparks Notes version. It was still very hard for me to wrap my mind around the entire situation.

It was a bit weird, since I’d never really taken time out to reflect. I felt like I had put a book on a shelf and grabbed a new one, with fresh pages to begin writing a new story. In a sense, I kind of see it as The Neverending Story. You know, the one with the luck dragon and sneezing turtle. I just hope that as the story moves along, it’s filled with light, love, laughter, and hope. I’ve already been asked to take on some new creative projects and I’ve even started brewing some new ideas of my own. I think the only other thing that would make this next story perfect would be to have Falkor come to life and whisk me away on all those adventures. But I guess in the meantime, Jet Blue will have to do. 😉 I’m not sure how it will all play out, but it will be fun to take a look back at some point even further down the road and see the ground I’ve covered. What will be even more exciting is having all of my closest friends and my family in the story with me! I’m very excited about what lies ahead for me and I still feel like I have the whole world at my feet and a drive to grab life by the reigns and hang on for the ride!

Say

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open 

Say what you need to say

In one of the more coincidental moments in my life, I walked into The Jewel Box Cafe last night, and as I was ordering my coffee and grabbing a seat in a nearby booth, John Mayer’s song, SAY, was playing in the speakers of the cafe. Recalling the lyrics as the song played, I rolled my eyes and sighed as I realized it was representative of what I knew needed to happen that night. Let’s rewind, shall we?

About 3 months ago, a series of events happened and I started to notice that a friendship that I held dear was beginning to dissolve—not because of things that had been said, but by a lack of things that needed to be said—issues that needed to be confronted. In what seemed like record timing, I had been hurt, manipulated, pushed away, and seemed to have disappeared from a friendship and a project that I held dear to my heart. I felt like an outcast, a weakling, not worthwhile. During those past months I tried to bring things up in conversation with them to confront and fix it but they kept avoiding it. I wanted to know how to fix things, to be back on a level of open and honest communication—I needed closure and I wasn’t getting it. That only frustrated me more and I began to feel like I had lost a great friend. And more than just feeling shut out of a project, I felt shut out of a friendship. One thing I’ve always held onto, and that I’ve always taught to kids I would babysit or people I would mentor, is that no matter what you’re arguing about, the friendship is more important and you should fight to make that a priority. Relationships matter more than anything.

For about the first month or so I spent day in and day out internalizing the hurt and trying to fix myself. I tried to figure out what I did, what I said, what I might have not noticed, and I felt like a giant failure. The shoulda’, woulda’, coulda’s, were overwhelming my thoughts and my attitude. The more I internalized it, the uglier I became inside. I held onto negativity, anger, and low-self esteem like they were my pets—and in those days, they were. My trust, my heart, and my spirit had been broken and there was nothing but hopelessness inside me as I would read passive-aggressive things the person would say online and as they began to ignore me day after day. The hurt and loneliness grew stronger and over time, I began to lose sight of who I was and forgot what was important—I wasn’t allowing my faith in God and my identity in Him to be the focal point of the situation. I was trusting myself to fix something.

All of my life I’ve been a fixer. I’ve fixed relationship issues that friends had with others, relationships in my own family, and problems that I had faced in my own life. Facing a problem and solving it has always been a driving point in my life. But in that situation, nothing I was doing was working. I couldn’t fix it. And that made me feel weaker than anything. And it wasn’t until last night, in the cafe with Alisa that I realized that I needed to feel weak. I needed to remember that I can’t fix everything. I can’t solve every problem in the world, and I can’t let the things I’m unable to fix define me as unworthy. And over the course of the few months, I had to come face to face with the fact that sometimes life throws a punch your way and you have to just learn to roll with it and keep moving forward, and that when the punch comes, you don’t have to deal with the pain alone.

Having reached the lowest point of that particular valley, I finally remembered that I needed to surround myself with people who cared deeply for me. I needed the ones I knew I could trust, the ones I knew held my heart in high regards, who were willing to walk through the season with me. I confided in 3 of my friends the things I was wrestling with in my mind—fear, pain, loneliness, anxiety, shame. And they showed up and offered hugs, kleenex, prayers, a listening ear, a fresh perspective, and wisdom that I hadn’t considered. As a result, I spent an entire day composing an e-mail to that friend. It took a day because I kept wanting to delete it, not ready to admit to them that they had hurt me. I wasn’t ready to admit defeat, but I did. And after it was all said and done, and they apologized and we cleared up a few things, I felt a little better. The road back from ugliness and petty slight has been a rough one, but I’m  healing quite nicely. Now let’s fast forward.

My lovely friend, Alisa

Last Sunday, Alisa asked me, “How are you doing?” and not wanting to lie or give a token answer, I said, “A lot better. I’m doing pretty good, I guess.” We hadn’t had the chance to hang out one-on-one in a while, and I hadn’t mentioned anything to her about what had been going on. So she said, “Let’s get together and talk about it.” I really missed spending time and talking with her, so I agreed. Then I thought, “Wait. What did I just agree to? I don’t know if I can handle talking about it again. I’m still trying to bounce back from it all and I’m not sure I can do this.” We decided to go out on a late night coffee date last night, and what happened in my heart in that cafe last night was nothing short of wonderful. As I recounted everything, focusing on the things that God had shown me about myself and about what was important in life, how worthwhile I am as a person, and ultimately what my purpose in life is, I was able to walk out of that cafe feeling less weighted down and like I had taken another step forward. Alisa shared with me similar situations she had faced and the great things that had come from those repaired friendships and my hope was restored. Alisa and I share similar back stories and life experiences. She has always been so real, open, and honest with me in our talks together. I never have to wonder if she’s ‘just saying’ something to make me feel better. She challenges me (as do my other close friends) to come out of hiding, face the stuff that comes up in my life, and move forward. As we talked last night, she didn’t judge me or deny the validity of what I was feeling. She listened, and shared wisdom, and helped me put a game plan in place to help me put into practice the things I had learned along the way.

Through our conversation, I was able to not only be honest with her, but to be honest with myself and realize some things that I hadn’t dealt with in my own heart. One of the things she brought up in the conversation was something she’d heard from another mutual friend of ours: “Sometimes we need to be shattered so that God can put us back together and make us whole again.” That was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. It’s amazing to think of all the people I took for granted and the moments I passed up because I spent so much time focusing on trying to fix something that I was never meant to fix.

Over this whole messy and silly ordeal, I’ve come to realize how blessed I am to have such a strong support system here in Seattle. I mean, I have a great one back home too, but it’s nice to know that I have the same thing here, ready for me when I need it. It feels great to get back to what is really important and to be able to look ahead with hope and purpose—to be able to say  to myself and others what needed to be said.

I’m For You

Continuing in the spirit of Valentine’s Day [or VD as I like to call it 😉 ] I believe it’s time that I let you all know that this morning I ELOPED!

He must've been REALLY amazing 😉

Shortly thereafter I had to pay $10, 000 for a new house though, so there’s that. One of the things I love most about my life here in Seattle is the group of Junior High and High School students I get to hang out with on Sunday mornings. Between 14 kids and 3 leaders, 2Twelve (our youth ministry), is never quiet, never still, and has become a great environment for learning practical ways to work together to fuse our faith and life. When I started volunteering as the youth pastor for 2Twelve two years ago, we had 3 students consistently and we met in a small room that also served as a book storage area and conference room. We barely had room to move around and I had to fight distractions of books, the giant board meeting table, and lack of light in the room. Now that we are bigger, we have moved into a bigger room and are able to do more, breathe more, and just have a lot more fun.

The biggest challenge for me comes in planning out the curriculum and maximizing resources so that the students are able to get knowledge and practical tools that will help them on their own levels for the upcoming week, and ideally, the rest of their lives. Today we started one of my favorite series. It’s called THE GAME OF LIFE and the focus is on teaching accountability as Christians—both what it takes to have a beneficial relationship with someone who you can be accountable with and what it takes to be the one who provides accountability for someone else.

Today the teaching was on TRUST—what it means to trust someone as well as how to be a trustworthy person. It never ceases to amaze me when I hear the countless stories that these students share about how both their peers and adults have hurt them because they were untrustworthy. One thing that I had been challenged with earlier this week while I was preparing, was how quickly our trust in others can diminish as we get older. In class today, I referred to a time when I was babysitting a little girl and she wanted to put a complex toy together and as I watched her struggle, I asked her if I could help. She responded, “No. I want to do it!” So I let her, and I watched her get more and more frustrated and watched her face change from determination to anger. I gently asked her again, “Are you sure you don’t want my help?” She looked up at me, handed me the toy and said, “I need your help.” It only took asking her one more time and she was ready to get help. That’s rarely the case with most people I talk to nowadays, and I’ll admit, it’s one of the things I struggle with a lot as well. I find that I’m always ready and willing to help, but rarely am I the one to ask for it until I get to the point of frustration. But I was challenged this week to let more people in, so I was able to have more conversations with friends and let them in on some stuff I’ve been dealing with lately. It was such a relief to let them in and let myself out of all the stress and worry going on in my head and heart. The best thing about it was that I was able to come face to face with some areas where my stubbornness was preventing me from being happy and able to enjoy where I am in life.

This morning as I was getting the room all set up for the lesson, one of my new students was helping me and she said, “Oh I’m not worried. I trust you.” And it made me stop and think about the sincerity she said it with and I told her, “You know what’s funny? That’s actually what we’re talking about today. We’re going to be talking about being trustworthy.” And she responded, “That’s cool. But I mean it, I trust you.” And I teared up because to me, that is probably one of the highest honors that could ever be given. It made me realize how lucky I am that as a young adult, I’m constantly surrounded by peers and older people who accept me as I am and help me become a better person. And I love that I’m able to speak life into the students that God has brought to 2Twelve. They remind me of the responsibility I have to continually learn, grow, and give. As much as I appreciate that they leave me love notes and give me big hugs on Sunday, I appreciate more the fact that they feel safe enough to trust our class with stories from their own life experiences.

Of course . . . getting to have fun playing games on Sunday mornings is a bonus too! 😉

Holiday From Real

After a fun day of learning great insight from Andy Stanley and Craig Groeschel at Catalyst One Day, I am headed off on a great adventure!

I’m about to board a Greyhound bus to spend a day in Los Angeles hanging out with awesome friends, eating some yummy In-N-Out, and rocking out at the final show on Something Corporate’s 2010 Reunion Tour at Club Nokia!

I probably won’t update the blog until I get back on Monday, but I wanted to share this today:

I love adventure and I love being spontaneous and impulsive. Just as much as I love those things, I love that I have people in my life that inspire and encourage me to “go for it” and do fun, daring, adventurous things! I mean, this trip in and of itself may not seem like a big deal . . . but all the encouragement and love I’ve received in regards to the trip as the details have unfolded has ben so refreshing!

I know that not many people my age would travel on a bus for 2 days just to go see a band. I’ve definitely gotten the “you are so weird,” and “girl you are insane” comments. Maybe I am, but my desire to embrace adventure and to experience life to its fullness drives me to board this bus with a huge smile and a full heart. Many say that I will grow out of this “wild impulsive phase,” but deep down inside, I hope I never do!

_____

“Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!”

– Auntie Mame

American Honey

She grew up on the side of the road
Where the church bells ring and strong love grows
She grew up good, she grew up slow
Like American honey
Steady as a preacher, free as a weed
Couldn’t wait to get going
but wasn’t quite ready to leave
So innocent pure and sweet American honey

Having an abundance of friends with children, I get to learn a lot about different parenting techniques and I get to spend time with their kids, watching their imaginations run wild. This past weekend, I had an incredibly unique experience.

The Children’s Ministry Coordinator at my church has a daughter who is 10 years old. I call her daughter H.Stubbs. Well, for the past few weeks now, H.Stubbs has been asking me to come over for a sleepover. Her mother, being an amazing and daring parent, threw out some dates for me to come over and have a sleepover with H.Stubbs and her little sister, E.Stubbs. At first I thought, “Well that’s kind of out of the norm. I mean, I’m 28 and I’m going to a sleepover, but I actually think it could be really fun! I haven’t had a sleepover in years . . . unless you count friends coming in to town and staying the night. Which, I guess does count. This is gonna be SO cool!” Fast forward a couple of weeks and the sleepover date finally arrived. When I got to their house, her mom told me:

“She’s been telling everyone that her best friend is coming over to spend the night. But the funny part, is that she never even mentioned that you weren’t 10 years old. And they’ve already made it clear to me that you’re here to see them, not to hang out with me.”

We both laughed, and I felt complete awe and wonder at how (1) she called me her best friend, and (2) friendship knew no age limits to her. It was a great feeling. We had a blast too! We swam in their big pool in the backyard as we pretended to be mermaids, Olympic swimmers, and pirates! We spent most of our time in the pool, and I gave them dolphin rides around the pool and showed them how to do the “Wayne’s World Fish Face.” After swim time, we headed in to the guest bedroom that their parents set up for us. I got a huge bed for myself, H.Stubbs had a large mattress on the ground, and E.Stubbs got to sleep on the couch. We watched Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs and laughed so much at all the shenanigans in that movie. I told them I needed to get a ratbird of my own. 😉

After the movie was over, their mom came in and told us it was time for bed. The girls talked her into letting us watch 2 episodes of the Power Puff girls before we called it a night, and so we did. After that, we turned off the TV and had a full-on pillow fight! During our pillow fight, one of the girls said, “Oh no, I think I hear someone coming!” And I said, “Quick!! Get in bed!!” The other sister said, “If she comes in, let’s just pretend to be asleep, okay? So you have to pretend to snore!” So we did, and it turned out to be nothing. We continued the pillow fight, and from time to time one of the girls would hear something so we’d jump back in the beds. We finally decided to head to our beds (for real this time) at midnight and E.Stubbs exclaimed, “This is the latest I’ve EVER stayed up in my WHOLE life!” We congratulated her and then turned in for the evening.

At 8 a.m. Sunday morning, the Smashmouth song, ALL STAR blasted through my laptop speakers to wake me up . . . yes, I actually DO need that kind of motivation to get going in the morning. 😉 They woke up as well, and immediately pounced on me singing along and tickling me. Their mom came in a while after to let us know that she and her husband were going to head in to church, as I had told them I would take the girls in with me later so everyone could sleep in a bit. She brought them their clothes and made me a cup of coffee. Then they left, and our morning fun began! We all got dressed for church, had breakfast, and put on makeup. My favorite part was reassuring the girls that they didn’t HAVE to put on a ton of makeup to look beautiful because they were already naturally beautiful. We still had fun with lip gloss and blush before we realized it was time to head out ourselves.

On the drive in to church, I played a mix CD I had made for myself and it included the song, AMERICAN HONEY, and after that song played, the girls both requested that I put it on repeat. We drove the entire way to the church (about 30 mins.) blasting that song with the windows down, belting out the words (as best as they knew) at the top of our lungs! I kept looking over at H.Stubbs and thinking, “I hope you never lose sight of the sweet innocence you have now. You are an amazing example for others!”

I got to talk to her grandmother before the service and she really encouraged me to treasure those moments and reminded me that even though my sleepover with the girls might seem preposterous to the world around us, it means THE WORLD to those girls and they will hang on to those memories and those little life lessons for years to come—they needed it as much as I did.

After the church service, we had an all-church BBQ. I ate and connected with friends and then decided I needed to head to Home Depot to pick up the primer so that I could start getting the new youth room painted. H.Stubbs knew I was going and begged me to let her come with me and to help paint. After getting her parent’s permission, she made the trip to and fro with me and helped me tape and prime. Throughout the day she kept saying that she needed to find a way to spend more time with me. It was truly one of the sweetest experiences ever—and not just because of her compliment—I was lucky enough to be encouraged by her imagination and her innocence that didn’t see me as the full-grown adult that the world tells me I should be. For a day, I got to remember the sweeter things in life, and enjoy spending time with one of the most wonderful friends! And she even made me a super sweet thank you note!