my life in my words



The SAG Awards have come and gone, and as an award show fan, I must apologize for my neglect.i missed them! 😦 But I did read the updates and I’m really excited for all the winners. And I must say, that this round of awards…the dresses were just stunning! Here are my favorites:

Okay, so I don’t think I’ve seen anyone so glowing and gorgeous!! For playing a character on a show called UGLY BETTY…America really knows how to class it up!! She’s always got such great dresses and outfits on! She’s my fashion hero! 😀

I promise I’m not just capitalizing on the Latinas… Rosario Dawson is absolutely stunning in this outfit! I love the silver bracelet accent and the way the tight wrap falls out at the bottom…and her makeup is so glam!

Okay so usually, I’m not a fan of Clare Danes’ outfits. Mainly because everytime I see her, I think of the scenes in her movies where she cries…and it’s a kind of irritating cry. She’s a good’s just the crying…kinda throws me off. 😦 But in this dress…she looks so gorgeous! This really is a “power” gown for her, I think. It makes her seem taller and more confident and less ‘mousy.’ I love it! She’s so glamorous!

It’s no surprise that Kyra rocks with the older hollywood crowd…but for being older..she is so captivating in this dress! I love the black and white look and she totally pulls it off with style!

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A Whole New World

To liven up the mood around these here parts, I wanted to share with you 5 of my favorite Disney songs! I really really want to visit Disneyland or Disneyworld! I love theme parks! Here they are, in no particular order:

CAMP ROCK: “I Gotta Find You/This is Real”

Hope some of these take you back! 😀


Please Don’t Call It Love

I want to take a moment to express something that has really been bugging me for the past couple of weeks. And it may seem like I’m being overbearing, harsh, or even downright selfish…but since “Putting Things Before People” is one of my biggest pet peeves… I feel the need to share some of the thoughts rolling around in my head… And just to forewarn you, it is kind of “ranty” but I gotta get it out..and I figure this is the platform I’m choosing…just to be honest.

During my visit home, I’ve gotten to see some true colors flowing from people. A friend of mine was hanging out with me, and we wanted to hang out with some of our old friends. Bear in mind, that my friend and I are NO LONGER living in Austin…and this visit home, is going to be the only one until the end of June, beginning of July (for me/May…i think for her). And we’ve both been gone for at least 6 months. So when we come in town to visit, it’s really not asking a lot to have others hang out with us. I wish things would have turned out better, and people would have chosen to hang out with us instead of check their emails or play games or go to bed early. And to those who re-arranged your schedules and took off time and made the tough decision to wake up earlier the next day to get things done, THANK YOU! I/We had a BLAST hanging out and talking with you!

I really had some interesting experiences. My friend was released from our school last year due to lack of tuition. And she is very analytical, and constantly has thoughts flowing through her head. And though the majority of the time, she has this pet proverbial rain cloud looming over her head, she has some valid hurts. When election time came around, she had some strong viewpoints and got a LOT of flack for it. Some people in general, just have this view of her as a person because her viewpoints vary from status quo and because she questions a LOT of things. I’m not saying she’s right about everything, she’s very opinionated, and sometimes she’s wrong. But when people come up to you and say, “Oh, you’re __________. I’ve heard about you….” (in a kind of inauspicious tone) And then they just walk away, leaving you wondering…”What have they heard?” It’s hard to not let things get to you.

As easy as it is for us to teach others: “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK…”
It does matter. We, as human beings, care about what other people think of us. I’m not saying that it means we love God less. It’s just this utter timeless desire to be accepted by others. So when you’ve spent an extended amount of time building a relationship with people, and giving your all to see them get better, and you come back to a cold shoulder, it really makes you feel like a loser. And that matters.

But I think what made me madder was that after my friend flew back to her new state…the same people who treated us like jerks…wanted to come up to me and hug me and treat me like royalty. And I was just so amazed. I was mad and amazed. It was like night and day. Almost this bi-polar effect. Did they really just come up to me and act like they weren’t a complete jerk to my friend, who they were also supposed to be “friends” with? Come again? eh? not cool.

you moved away to a different state, and payed money to visit home, and everyone treated you like a social pariah. Not very awesome, is it? What if you spent significant time with the same core group of people, and when they see you after 6 months, they look at you like you’re this crack addict….or worse, they smile to your face, and say crappy things about you to others when you’re not even around to defend yourself. Makes you feel really valued, eh? I think not.

Is that really what God had in mind when He said to consider others better than yourself? When He said to love thy neighbor as thyself? I’m sorry, but love is more action than emotion.

People aren’t perfect, and I know it. But we can learn. I have to learn ALL THE TIME!! I’m totally NOT PERFECT (sorry folks!). But I don’t care what’s going on, people are always more important than things to me. And if a friend of mine came up to visit me, I would do everything in my power to make them feel like a million bucks. Even if they weren’t my close close close friend. People matter. And we should treat them like humans, not complete losers, especially if we’re going to go around referring to ourselves as Christians.

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Take This

So, tomorrow I leave to head back up to Seattle! I have had so much fun hanging out and reconnecting with old friends! To those I haven’t gotten to see, I’ll be back at the end of June/beginning of July! I think today’s blog will be laid back. So I’m just gonna share some new (well, not new, but newly added to my iTunes) music for you to check out! Enjoy!

A new personal favorite: YOU FOUND ME by The Fray

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Year 3000

Jetsons Video Phone

Is anyone else disappointed that we’re not living it up Jetson style? I am. I have been waiting years for my car that flies and for my robotic television that tells me what outfit will look good for every occasion.

I do kind of wish that there were technologies that would diminish our need for money… you know, like tele-porters, so that we wouldn’t have to spend money on gas and transportation, we could just teleport from place to place.

Then again, maybe some of our more conveniences are more of a hindrance than a help. Me and my friend Kelley were having a discussion one day about the movie Wall.E and how it pretty accurately depicts the future that we as a nation are headed to. Relying on technology to make all the right choices for us is very scary.

I personally would LOVE to have a robot maid, but I would be afraid that it would teach me that it’s okay to be lazy and to rely on technology to teach me discipline.

After finding out I had pre-diabetes, I made a conscious choice to make changes to my diet, to my lifestyle and my habits to promote a healthier body, so that I wouldn’t have to live with diabetes. And it’s going great!

But it also makes me think about other things I’ve been so negligent about. Like taking care of the environment. And maybe it’s just because of living in such a green city as Seattle, but I find myself being more environmentally aware. I’m not saying that I’m this super massive uber “greeny” or a major tree hugger, but I’m learning to do little things here and there to help save a world that my nieces will grow up in. 😀

I used to tease my friend Stacey because she was reading this book about “going green” and some of the things just seemed so extreme. But she challenged me to do just 3 things, and be consistent with them. So I am.

1. I use the public transportation system
2. I recycle
3. When I go shopping, I use cloth bags and not plastic.

It doesn’t kill me, but it helps me be more aware of things. Now that I am eating more healthy, and taking better care of myself, and losing weight, I feel a greater confidence, and when I do things that I know make a difference in such a simple way, it feels great! So I am challenging you to do 3 things…consistently…to help the environment. They don’t have to be huge. Just do something to help better yourself and the environment. Because when the year 3000 rolls around, I don’t want my nieces to be floating around in chairs, weighing 300 pounds, lazying about just going through the motions. I want them to care as well, and be able to go on walks and give back to their community.

for ideas:

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In The Middle

I came across a good article today at one of the Pyschology sites I frequent, and it was talking about the bond between siblings and it briefly talked about birth order. You know, the supposed temperaments of children based on their age/status in the sibling line. I am a middle child, with an older brother and younger sister. Both of my siblings are COMPLETELY different from me. My brother is more set in his ways, kinda one sided, listens to rap, is really smart however chooses not to pursue higher education, and is very very unconcerned with the choices that others make. My sister is set in her ways but still gives a little leeway here and there for any hitches that might come up along the way. She is definitely more open to change than I am, yet rarely makes it a habitual occurrence. She is multi-sided, depending on what response she wants to receive, listens to tejano, rap and pop music (variety!). She is super sweet, but not very focused when it comes to making necessary decisions. She’s primarily concerned with the choices that others make as it pertains to how they affect her. I see the world in so many multi-colors and textures. I’m not all that smart, but I have a drive to learn more and more every day. I listen to more emo-type music as well as some top 40, and alternative rock. I don’t always embrace change so willingly and I like to have a game plan and steps. I’m the idealist in my family and always want to be the peacemaker. And I have an amazing stubborn streak. I am constantly concerned with the choices that others make as it pertains to how it affects others.

Don’t you feel sorry for my parents already? 😉

Here are some snippets of what I read today in relation to being a middle child:

Birth order personalities
Oldest kids tend to emerge strong confident leaders. For example, almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families. And, all but two of the first astronauts sent into space were first-borns. The oldest child or the firstborn is always going to be the most anticipated and exciting for the parent. Parents are nervous and making a trial run of their parenting skills. Every first is something new and exciting to celebrate. Plus, the baby gets full parental time and attention. However, as a child gets older frustrations can develop as oldest children tend to have more parental restrictions than younger siblings. Older children also may have the added responsibility of taking care of their younger brothers or sisters.

Adding second and third children greatly impacts the family structure, and a middle child is created. Yes, the “Middle Child Syndrome” is very real. Middle kids bemoan their fate as being ignored and often grow resentful of all the parental attention given to the oldest and the baby of the family, and feel short-shifted. Three kids triangulate sibling relationships, with one child at any given point feeling like the odd man out from the chumminess of the other two.

Parents tend to be much more easy-going, less anxious, and less demanding with second and third children. Thus many middle children grow up with a more relaxed attitude towards life than their older siblings; though they have to compete for family attention against the milestones set by the oldest, and growing up in their shadow. Middle children have to try a little harder to “be heard” or get noticed. The middle child usually has to fight harder for the attention of their parents and therefore crave the family spotlight. They may feel that they do not get as much praise as the older children for simple firsts like tying a shoe or riding a bike. Those things just become expected.

The baby of the family basks in the sentimentality of being the last child, and are basically spoiled rotten. The youngest children tend to be most affectionate, and more sophisticated than their peers without older siblings to show them the ropes.

Middle children
Middle kids are said to be great negotiators and peacemakers, with laid-back attitudes and a love of socializing. As such, they’re thought to be natural schmoozers and consensus builders when they grow up. According to Linda Dunlap, Ph.D., a birth-order–theory expert and professor of psychology at Marist College in Poughkeepsie, New York, they’re the most likely to move far from home once they grow up, partly because they’re seeking a clear identity after having spent their early years sandwiched between sibs.

Some middle kids suffer from the firstborn’s long shadow, and because of it, it’s said, are prone to rebelliousness and competitiveness.

Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place
by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.
reviewed by Robert Needlman, M.D., F.A.A.P.

Oldest and youngest children can usually find reasons to be glad about their place in the family. Not so middle children. They often aren’t the biggest and strongest, they aren’t the babies who get away with murder, they aren’t really anything special, at least in their own minds. Sometimes they feel invisible.

But this uncomfortable feeling of not having a defined place in the family may actually turn out to be an advantage. Unlike first children, who often define success by their ability to meet their parents’ expectations, middle children are more prone to rebel against the status quo. This observation is the main point of a fascinating book, Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives, by Frank J. Sulloway. The book also argues that birth order–the middle position in particular–is one of the prime forces behind the scientific and social revolutions that drive history forward. I’d wager that most middle children had no idea that they were so important.

Another result of having a less well-defined place in the family is that middle children often reach outside the family for significant relationships. They make close circles of friends. During adolescence, in particular, they may be especially influenced by their peer groups, often to their parents’ dismay.

For any middle child, the biggest point of comparison is the sibling who falls just before them in the birth order. Often, rather than competing head-on with that older sibling, the middle child chooses to go in a different direction. If the older sibling is a great student, for example, the middle child may become a musician or an athlete. (There’s some research suggesting that middle children are more likely to engage in dangerous sports, perhaps because they are used to taking risks.) By choosing a niche that isn’t already occupied, a middle child increases his chances of standing out and being noticed, and decreases the risk of negative comparisons.

Middle children, who are usually smaller than their older siblings while they’re growing up, often learn non-aggressive strategies to get what they want, such as negotiation, cooperation, or seeking parental intervention. As the underdogs themselves in many sibling conflicts, middle children often develop a fine sense of empathy with the downtrodden, as do many youngest children. Where first and last children may tend to be self-centered, middle children often take a genuine interest in getting to know other people. Being in the middle, they may find it easier to look at interpersonal situations from various points of view.

For the most part, I do agree with these things. As I was finishing up the article on the first site I was checking out, the author added this to the end, and it’s really good for thought. No matter what order you are in, you should definitely ask yourself these questions:

Escape your family role
Do you still react to others the way you behaved with your siblings? Dr Dorothy Rowe suggests asking yourself the following questions to find out if you’re still playing your childhood roles:

Do you feel you have to be in charge because you’re more responsible than the others, or see yourself as the baby, needing to be looked after?
Do you compete with colleagues to win the approval of your boss?
In your family, were you ‘the good one’ or ‘the bad one’? Do you feel that others still see you this way? Are you still trying to fill your role because that’s what people expect of you?
Do you see your relationships with contemporaries as power struggles that you must win, or people will despise you? Or do you expect that in a power struggle you’ll always lose, just as you always lost to your siblings?
Do you measure everyone you meet against your siblings, and find others lacking?



The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve reached a point where the pieces don’t fit anymore. You know, that moment when you’ve resolved to chasing your dream and you’re so in love with where your life is at, that the thought of returning is just too outrageous. I have loved visiting people here in Austin, but with 4 days left, I can’t help but feel this anxiousness to get back to Seattle. I can’t wait to see Jessica and Joseph and Jesselyn and Christiaan and Pastor J. and Deb and Amanda and Corbett and everyone!

I remember when I was leaving, I was so nervous, so many thoughts about whether I would survive away from it all, and what my life would look like when I came back to visit. But coming back, I realize that I have to be where I’m at. Because the pieces of my world here don’t fit in my life anymore. Things have changed, people have come and gone, things are moving on, and I get to be a smaller distant part of it, and that’s what I need. 😀 I get to see all the awesome things going on, and I get to go back to what I will call home for a really long time. 😀

I am finally beginning to realize the beauty in change. The freedom in chasing a dream, and seeing it come to life. It’s so amazing! And I am truly blessed to have all the people in Austin who have helped me get to the place where I am now! They made so many things possible. And I’m so glad that the pieces in Seattle do fit so perfectly!

So for all my Austin friends, I hope I get to see you guys before I leave and that you guys continue to grow and grow and grow…

and to all my Seattle friends, I’m coming home soon! I miss you much and I can’t wait to see you all and hug you!

and to my family: thanks for being so awesome! I will see you again in June/July! And someday, I hope you guys will ALL understand why I need to be in Seattle and that I love you so much despite the distance! 😀

Amo- out! 😀