my life in my words

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New Fang

Linus and I have something in common: a security blanket.
Granted, his might be an ACTUAL blanket, but now really isn’t the time to debate technicalities. ;p

My security blanket actually happens to come in the form of a backpack. I’m definitely a social being and I’m always on the move. Most of the time I’m headed out to hang with friends or to the nearest caffeination station. My handy dandy backpack totes around all the things I might need if I ever got stranded in some random neighborhood for an evening. My laptop, wallet, books, magazines, Clif Bars, toothbrush & toothpaste, pens & Sharpies, phone charger, and other things I keep handy just in case I need to pretend to MacGuyver my way out of a situation.

My current backpack is an OGIO “Transit.” I’ve had this bag for the past 7 years and it’s been a faithful companion—until last night when I noticed it finally had a tear in it. *holding back tears* Yes it’s true, all good things must come to an end. Last night as I was packing up my stuff in my backpack, I noticed the tear and decided it was big enough that it might do some damage if it ripped any further from wear and tear, and so I should call up OGIO and let them know I needed to order a new one.

You see that orange peeking through?
It’s the inside built-in laptop protector sleeve.

The good thing is that I have a Lifetime Warranty for my OGIO bag, so when my original one I’d gotten 10 years ago broke 3 years later, I called OGIO. They said that my particular model of bag had been discontinued but I could choose another from the site. So I chose the Transit bag. It came in the mail the next week . . . free of charge 🙂

I looked on the site this morning and apparently they don’t carry the Transit anymore. So I think I’m gonna go with the “Hip Hop.” I would LOVE to replace it with another sling backpack, because I don’t like double strap backpacks, but they don’t have that I like on the site.

I really like bags with only one strap and kinda miss my messenger bag phase. So I guess it’s time to revisit that season. I hope my new bag is here by the time I get back from my trip and I hope my old bag holds up until then!

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The Hardest Button To Button

Yes. That is exactly what you think that is. That is a giant pile of clean clothes waiting to be folded, sorted, and either hung up or packed away for my trip to the east coast . . . which is tomorrow. I’m not ready to admit defeat just yet, but one of my major problems is that right before any big events, I get all panicky and I get this weird “anxious baby” syndrome!

I quickly become this little baby that doesn’t want to wind down or go to sleep because my mind is racing a mile a minute. It’s wondering, “What if I forget this? What if I miss this? Did I pack that? Man I’m hungry. Focus! Okay . . . Wait, what was I going to make sure to pack? I know I wrote it down . . . where IS that piece of paper I wrote it down on? Oh I should do ____ right now instead. Hey that sounds fun! Let’s go!”

Yeah. No lie.

I started packing yesterday . . . and by started I mean I washed my clothes and threw them on my bed. My floor is STILL a mess by the way . . . and I still need to clean before I go to bed because the thought of coming home to a dirty room makes me sad. Last night I told myself I would clean, and I ended up not cleaning, but procrastinating like it was my job.

You know what I’ve done since I got off of work today? Let’s see . . . I went to Cupcake Royale. I got home and made dinner. I sat and talked to my housemate. Made chocolate covered-strawberries. I dyed my hair. Blogged this post to avert my attention away from the giant pile of clothes on my bed. I’m about to go wash my hair. And after that, I’m turning off my wifi on my computer because if I leave it on, I’ll hop on iChat and talk to friends for HOURS and not get anything accomplished. And what’s more is that it’s TOTALLY not their fault, it’s ALL MY FAULT because when it comes time to pack and get things ready for big events or big trips . . . I can’t FOCUS for the life of me.

Okay. Going now.

No. really.

Okay now.

*stares at clothing pile. glances over to PS2. glances over to electric guitar. glances over to pile of clothes. glances over to bookshelf.*

Okay going. Now. Really. Gone.

Now. . .


Ugh. Going.

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After my last post about being on the Westside softball team, I am pleased to say that I was able to walk away from the tournament on Saturday with a FULL heart, happy and excited that I got to be part of such an awesome team!

I went in with a positive attitude and walked away with an even more positive outcome. All season I’d been overwhelmed with the fact that I could never seem to hit the ball past the infield, which increased my odds of an out at first base. But on Saturday, I got some pretty awesome hits—including two past the infield! So I actually got a chance to run around the bases!

AND as a bonus plus, I even got to cross HOME PLATE! And THAT was such a winning feeling! We played our hearts out and made it to the championship game! And even though we came in 2nd in the tournament, I walked away with a 1st place smile! It was seriously such a great day! The fact that I got a nice tan during the games and got to go to a pizza party afterward wasn’t too bad either. And I KNOW I got a really good workout too because even as I type this, my leg and arm muscles are still feeling the burn. I got to rest up yesterday and I’m ready for another great week!

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Stay Just A Little

Hey everyone! Meet Puff!! Puff belongs to my co-worker Katie. He kept me company this morning in the office. He’s such a sweet little bird!

Today was another FAST paced day. It came down to the wire, but we made it (like we always do) ;p

I will say though, that with the panic of the day, came some sweet treats throughout it. First of all, one of my co-workers brought me a copy of She & Him for me to add to my iTunes playlist and relieve some of the tension with some smooth tunes. And THAT helped a bunch!

As the to-do list was dwindling down, it seemed that more and more things just kept getting tacked on. I’d gotten a large chunk of it done, when I got a call on my intercom. It was my boss calling me down because one of our volunteers made fresh homemade Pico De Gallo for the whole office! It was such a needed break and a GREAT treat!

I finally got the journal done and sent off to press and tied up some loose ends and then I got a text from my dad that said: DINNER IS ON US TONIGHT! GO CRAZY! WE LOVE YOU!

And at first I texted him back and was like, “Are you serious?” Cause it just totally caught me by surprise. But he confirmed that I could in fact go out for dinner and have whatever I wanted—and that was AMAZING! I decided to go to Red Mill Burgers, since I had heard rave reviews about it but had never actually been. I had the chicken sandwich and a lemon chiffon shake and it was DELICIOUS!

And then I went to my comfort spot: Cupcake Royale and had one of the Toasted Cocounut Lime cupcakes and some coffee.

The funny thing is, even though he said to “Go crazy,” I only ended up spending a total of $20 bucks . . . but it went a looooong way! After going in to the office around 7 a.m. the past few days and working late, I decided it was a nice night for a treat. I’m just glad I had help along the way. And the best news of all . . . tomorrow is Friday and I’m not going in early and . . .

7 more days until I fly to the east coast!

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Under Control

I’ve been working since 7 a.m. and I’ll probably be working LATE tonight to get deadlines met, which have been moved up by 2 days! Let me just say that working on 3 journals simultaneously with 2 of them having major deadlines before I fly to the east coast in 9 days is INSANITY! But I agreed to do it and I can see the end of the deadlines drawing near and I CAN DO IT! I may not get much sleep in the meantime, but the way I see it, I can sleep on the plane right? Let’s just hope I don’t sleep through my connecting flights 😉

I’m in need of some humor today, so I’ll just leave this here:

PS: this is only the beginning of the ridiculous that is sleep deprivation . . .


Still Be Here

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands
in moments of comfort and convenience,
but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
Martin Luther King Jr.

This is one of those quotes I lean on a lot. On Saturday, we played our last non-tournament softball game, and I discovered a lot about myself. I’ve mentioned before that my family is BIG into sports. I mean, we grew up playing baseball, football, kickball, etc. Well, I didn’t personally play all those sports, but I was always surrounded by it. There have been many times I’ve mentioned in conversation that I am not very competitive, but on Saturday I got a better grasp on that statement. I should change it to:

I am pretty competitive deep down inside,
but I don’t like being competitive.
It brings out the worst in me.

Now many could argue that a spirit of friendly competition is good because it teaches you to fight to be better than someone else and someone HAS to come out on top the winner, right? Maybe. But I’m not so sure that perspective works best for me. Because that friendly competition for me is never actually very friendly. I realize that deep inside I can become extremely competitive, but when I am, I’m not entirely proud of the things that run through my mind or come out of my mouth. I say hurtful things about others in my mind and I get really angry and determined to make someone else pay for my losses or struggles. This just leaves me a loser in either case.

And what’s worse is that no matter what comes out of my mouth or what I repeat over and over in my head, the opponent doesn’t receive the full effect of the pain. I do. I cannot tell you how discouraging it is to try to make it to first base without getting out—you hope deep down inside that the short stop will drop the ball or some elf will come snatch it out of his hand and throw it to the outfield . . . I mean really, where ARE my angels in the outfield?? ;P But the damage comes when I walk back to the dugout, upset that I didn’t “make the cut.” Upset that I wasn’t “good enough.” I talk myself down and I adopt the theory that I’ll never make it. This is just how my mind naturally works. I mean, there are things that I love and things I KNOW I can do well . . . sports . . . just aren’t anywhere near the top of the list. Sometimes I really do just accept in my mind that I’ll never beat my weakness.

But after the game on Saturday, I took a few moments to sit and think and meditate on where I’ve come from and I was able to note the different difficulties I’ve been able to overcome. I realized that it was when I stopped allowing those negative words to become absolute truth that I was able to get headway and work towards overcoming them. It was when I allowed faith to overtake my human perspective that I was able to do something that I’d never been able to do before. For instance, the fact that I actually make contact and hit the ball, as opposed to just standing there, not swinging like I did when I played as a 5th grader . . . which . . . was the last time I’d played before joining the softball team last year. Also, seeing the vast improvements I’ve made this year as opposed to where I was last year is encouraging.

I realized that somewhere along the way, I made the games about my personal success as it pertained to points and a win, as opposed to being a team player and focusing on the fun moments with the people that mattered. When I focus on the right things, the difficulties become less about the technicalities and measuring sticks, and more about the here and now learning experiences that build strength and a worthwhile season of my life. And amazingly, when I focus on the right things, I get better at clearing the hurdles.*

I’m really looking forward to the tournament this upcoming weekend! And I’m not just saying that to soften the blow because we’re not the #1 team—I mean, we’re still in the top 3 as of now—but because it’ll be the last hurrah for this season. The last chance to make the lives of others more full and more fun. I’ll give my best and I’ll try with all my might to end every inning with a positive, hopeful thought and do my best to focus on the people that make our team amazing. Some would call that a cop-out, I call that making the most of life’s opportunities. If I play defeated, it won’t matter what the score is, I’ll still be defeated and I don’t want to live like that.

*totally mixing up my sports there 😉

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I’m Your Daddy

Today as I sit here thinking about my dad and what he’s meant to me through the years, I’ve come up with something new and fun to pay tribute to the man who helped teach me some pretty important things in life:

Funny. I definitely get my sense of humor from my dad. We can go back and forth with jokes and he has some great one-liners. Along with joking in general, he’s helped me learn to not take the trivial things in life so seriously, and encourages me to do spontaneously fun things too!

Appreciation for simpler things. Growing up with parents who were divorced, we didn’t always get the opportunity to live with lavish accommodations or get to go to more upscale eateries and such. But what made up for it was my dad teaching me to appreciate every moment as it comes as if it is your last. He taught me to value simple things and to take everything else as just an added blessing.

Trustworthy. I love having a father that I know I can go to and share everything with. From my biggest fears to my happiest moments, I’ve had the honor of being able to trust my father enough to share it all, knowing that he doesn’t see me as less of a person. In fact, I remember once, telling my father about something I did when I was a kid and saying, “Dad, just so you know, when I was younger, I did this _________,” and seeing him smile as he said, “Oh I knew. People told me you did. But I knew you were safe and that it was something you would grow and learn from.” I love knowing that he isn’t afraid to let me “fly” because he was always ready to catch me in case I fell.

Honesty. I remember once when I was younger and I had a super huge crush on a guy, and I told my dad about this amazing boy that was just everything wonderful on the planet. And he looks at me, smiles, and says, “Oh don’t worry. You’ll get over it.” And the funny part is that as I got to know the boy more, he did & said some things that REALLY turned me off and I TOTALLY did get over him. My dad’s ability to level with me and state honest opinions with me is truly something I appreciate.

Extra Mile. A lot of people make remarks about how they notice that I have a developed habit of giving and serving others, but truth be told, if my dad had not set that example for me at a young age, I probably wouldn’t be as apt to do it now. Even when I was little, my fondest memories of my dad was him giving food to people on the street—when we BARELY had any food for ourselves. And when people needed help, he was the first to raise his hand to volunteer. He truly goes the extra mile and has instilled that value in my own heart.

Rad. Look guys, my dad is just plain cool, okay? When I was home for Christmas, I talked my dad into letting me teach him the Single Ladies dance . . . and if you could imagine an older guy in a living room watching a YouTube tutorial and doing the Single Ladies dance just to humor me, you’d understand my dad’s level of AWESOME! 😉 I have had SO many amazing moments of random fun with my dad, and the fact that he joins in the fun and isn’t afraid to do things that are unconventional just makes me EVEN more thankful that God gave me a father I can be proud to call my DAD.

I love you daddy!

Happy Father’s Day!