amo.says

my life in my words


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Legacy


So by now, my home church, GTaustin has announced that as of June 28th, Master’s Commission of Austin will shut it’s doors and will not be running anymore.

I must admit, I found out about it two Thursdays ago, and I’m still dealing with so many emotions. At first I was ardently angry. Then I was overwhelmingly sad—8 years of history was coming to a halt. I had to come to the realization that I would not be going to any more MCA Graduations, I would not be going to any more Alumni Retreats… I wouldn’t be able to talk to students who were having a hard time going through A LONG DAY (see below), sharing stories and encouragement with them. Then I felt like I was misplaced. I felt confusion…why? really? could this really be happening? Then I felt shame…that I was taking this so hard… it’s so hard letting go. And then after long talks with a few people, I was able to find some sense of balance and understanding. I still feel like crying sometimes. But it’s not in my hands. It never was. Now I realize that from here on out, the connections I’ve made (and will try with everything I am to maintain) and the memories will help me keep things in perspective.
And though I’m sure there will be some growing apart… busy people…busy lives… I know that the memories and more importantly the lifestyle will always be a part of who I am.
For those of you who don’t much about my history or about Master’s Commission, it is a 9 month hands-on ministry training school…so think like bible school mixed in with an internship at a church. There’s really a lot more that goes into it, but for now we’ll leave it at that. So, I went to school at Master’s Commission of Austin as a student for 3 years right after high school graduation (2000) and after my 3rd year, my original director transitioned out and moved to Louisiana to start MC Industries—another Master’s Commission program in Broussard, Louisiana. While most of my fellow classmates chose to go to MC Industries as well, I felt in my heart that I needed to stay in Austin and serve the new director and help him and his wife in any capacity I could, in accordance to all the things I learned as a student. I then joined the support staff of Master’s Commission of Austin under a new regime as the MCA Media Director. After my year on support staff, I joined the full time staff for 4 years and in the summer of 2008, I stepped out of my position and life there to pursue my dreams here in Seattle, WA. I got the call two weeks ago that there was going to be a transition—after Graduation this June, there will no longer be a Master’s Commission of Austin. The director and his wife are moving back to Rockford, Illinois to step into a new passion (not that the old one is less than, it’s just time for the transition). Having had to say goodbye to MCA before, I know it’s gonna be tough on them, on each and every student, and on the home church that has relied so heavily on MCA in the past. The sad times will come, the confusing times will come, but more importantly, the building times will come. It’s bittersweet, really it is. But I pray that they will continue to live in the resolution as well. 😀

So to reflect on the good ol’ times, I thought I might share a list of 10 of my favorite things/memories from my 8 years in Master’s Commission of Austin. And yes, I know that it will make this post crazy long, but since this blog is about my life in my words, and MCA is such a HUGE part of it, I think it’s worth it. 😉

1. DISCOVERING MY BEST EVER FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

Sarah (Warner) Noble has been such a major part of my life since day one. The day I stepped into the big dorm and got settled, and met Sarah… my life changed. Here was one person who was able to show on the outside what I felt on the inside. Over the years, our friendship has only blossomed more and more. My first year for Christmas break, she invited me to come home with her and share in her family’s holiday traditions…that Christmas I learned so much about TRUE FAMILY, true friendship and how to grow up in so many areas of my life. And ever since, her family has considered me a part of their family…always. 😀 She was with me through everything… travel trips, holidays, Coram Deos, credentialing, transitioning directors, transitioning to Seattle, and even last week when all this hit… i KNEW who to call. I knew that she would help me work through things. She is one of my biggest gifts ever in life. Had I never been a part of MCA… I would have never met her… and my life would not be full of as much LIFE as it is now. So many of my memories from MCA involve Sarah.

2. SRMC RETREATS

the SRMC is the South Regional Master’s Commission programs of the US. Since my first year, I’ve been going to SRMC retreats (except for the 1st year after the director transition) and every year I have been so refreshed and revived. The biggest one for me was my 2nd year when Pastor Greg Phipps spoke on Initiating the Romance…life. changing. And every time I hear the song “THE BIGGEST PART OF ME” I remember the message he spoke and I’m humbled all over again. The retreats were also a time where I could reconnect with my friends along the way. I love that when I first became a part of MCA my director instilled in me the priority of building relationships outside of our little MCA bubble… I made some of the best friends with people from other programs and I still to this day stay in touch with them.

3. MY ORIGINAL CLASS (2000-2003)


These people are without a doubt the most amazing, real, and beautiful people I know. These people have helped to shape me so much through the years. We’ve had our ups and our downs and our everything else’s. We’ve been through A LOT together… and we’ve been there FOR each other through it. Class hangouts were always so fun… and to any of my class members who are reading this… I just gotta say:
– Beer and pizza… all the way
– Escuda MC lives on
– Spanglios
– My head hurt dawg
– FireworkStands/FlowerStands… and of course. the cookouts at the Potts’ house!

4. DISCOVERING MY PASSIONS

to teach, to work with junior high students, to rise up to the challenge to love ‘the tough cases,’ to be a listening ear, to be different (in a good way), to be a true friend, to help others along the way. Everything I do now, I learned from MCA. From the way I clean to the way I socialize with people.
MCA is the place where I first discovered my love for the people of Seattle.

5. MY FIRST EVER MEDIA TEAM


Dustin, Grace and Chad…times spent with these guys and gal in MCA will always be a large part of my memories in MCA. From late late late nights in the print room. From brainstorming sessions. From Tracks and from lots of interoffice drama… we’ve always been an amazing team. They’ve taught me a lot and they’ve pioneered a lot of the standards and grace that has developed in all the teams that followed. To you I say:
– She’s…Catholic
– House of Fear…’nuff said
– Grace cutting GT20 flyers with Dustin’s face on them
– Pen wars
– Track wars
– Thankyousomuchforallthatyou’vegivenandallthatyouare.

6. RICH WOLTER

He deserves his own bullet point. This guy is just hilarious. Anytime I’ve been around him, I’ve done nothing but laugh so hard. At first we didn’t get along (story of my life), but through the time we’ve known each other, he has been a strong pillar for me. I remember the time he tried to do EVERYTHING imaginable to break a Nalgene bottle…ran over it with a car, beat it with a baseball bat, then finally taking a saw to it… and when he took it back to the store, they asked him what happened to it.. and his response was: “oh. it fell off the counter.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! He’s the first one to introduce me to the hilarity that is Dane Cook and taught me that there is such a thing as “the magic touch”…i mean really…getting a laptop fixed for free after taking a baseball bat to it…really?? really?? 😉

7. FAMILY DAYS


During my time as a student, family days were a time to have fun without the ‘daily grind’ and a time to celebrate birthdays. They were always so fun and enjoyable! My favorite family day though, had to be during my first year on support staff… we did this dinner and a murder mystery thing and I was the murderer…and the guy that i was supposed to marry was the character played by my new director… and I felt COMPLETELY awkward…cause I didn’t really know him very well…and all night he was like in character being all sly and romantical…and I kept having panic attacks and avoiding him every time he came near me…i must’ve seemed completely outta my mind! and the whole night he kept calling my character’s name: REBECCA! and I kept running away! but at the end of the night, I still got away with murder. 😉

8. ROAD TRIPS


My favorite part of MCA was traveling… I’ve seen so much, been to so many awesome places thanks to MCA. My two favorite trips were the East Coast Tour with my first director and then the MCA Road Rules Trip my 1st year on Support Staff.
The East Coast Tour was so much fun and I got to meet some amazing new people, plus hang out with Three Nails Short (a band that toured with us), and got to meet up with my best friend and have some great times hitting up tourist spots along the way.
MCA Road Rules was another great time…trying to beat out 2 other teams for a prize..and earning points for going to different landmarks along the way from Austin, TX to Phoenix, AZ. Getting to (A) see the Grand Canyon and (B) convince everyone that we actually got a helicopter ride to the bottom of it…was amazing!
9. A LONG DAY

Well, seeing as how it no longer needs to be kept a secret, A LONG DAY is something that was initiated by the new director. It is based off of Navy Seals training, where they go through intense training. They have some weeks of training and then what they call A LONG DAY…because it’s a day that spans over many days…but they don’t get to sleep so it seems like one long day. It’s meant to push limits and build team skills and camaraderie. Being on the staff side was different, but I still got a lot out of each year’s A.L.D. as much as the students did. I loved being able to talk with students during A.L.D. because it gave me so many teachable moments with them and it challenged me to see life through different eyes. To every MCA student who has gone through A Long Day…it’s over. 😉
10. BEING ON STAFF


Being on staff with MCA taught me so much. It taught me how to challenge myself. It taught me grace and wisdom and patience and so many other things. Staff hangouts were so much fun. I loved being part of such an amazing team! One funny memory from staff hangouts was when we were at Carrie Sealy’s apartment and we were playing Rock Band and it in the middle of playing, I farted. really loud. And let me just tell you…I had tried SO HARD to keep in all of my farts from the staff…REALLY HARD. So the moment it happened, I partly hoped they would ignore it…but it was so loud…and Pastor Dan (the 2nd director) laughed so hard!! I was completely mortified…but now I can only look back and laugh 😀

June 28th, 2009 will mark the end of the MCA Legacy as it’s been known. But I know that the legacy will live on in each alumni (for good and bad). So what happens next, after the doors are shut? I dunno. But one things for sure, the memories won’t die. In my life, the standards won’t die. And to all the alumni—please make an effort to stay connected! This isn’t the end of the world by any means, but it is a challenge to stay connected more than ever before. We need each other, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. 😀

There’s really so much more I could say, but I’ll leave it here for now. 😀 Feel free to comment (as always…no censorship)

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Human Racing

Because I’m such an award show and pop culture junkie, I wanted to blog today about my nomination choices for tomorrow’s MTV MOVIE AWARDS, which I will be watching with pizza and popcorn in hand!

And…the best news of all…the landlady let me move the TV from the downstairs living room (which is being converted into another bedroom) into MY ROOM!! So I got complete DIBS on the TV!! woot!!

I’m posting the category and the nominees and my choice is highlighted in bright blue. Tomorrow after the awards show, I will post the winners in Green and if I got the prediction wrong, it will be red. So, without further adieu…. my choices for the MTV Movie Awards:

BEST MOVIE
The Dark Knight
High School Musical
Iron Man
Slumdog MillionaireTwilight

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Angelina Jolie [Wanted]
Anne Hathaway [Bride Wars]
Kate Winslet [The Reader]
Kristen Stewart [Twilight]
Taraji P. Henson [The Curious Case of Benjamin Button]

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
Christian Bale [The Dark Knight]
Robert Downey Jr. [Iron Man]
Shia LaBeouf [Eagle Eye]
Vin Diesel [Fast & Furious]
Zac Efron [High School Musical 3: Senior Year]

BREAKTHROUGH FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Amanda Seyfried [Mamma Mia!]
Ashley Tisdale [High School Musical 3: Senior Year]
Freida Pinto [Slumdog Millionaire]
Kat Dennings [Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist]
Miley Cyrus [Hannah Montana: The Movie]
Vanessa Hudgens [High School Musical 3: Senior Year]

BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE MALE
Ben Barnes [The Chronicles of Narnia]
Bobb’e J. Thompson [Role Models]
Dev Patel [Slumdog Millionaire]
Robert Pattinson [Twilight]
Taylor Lautner [Twilight]

BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Amy Poehler [Baby Mama]
Anna Faris [The House Bunny]
James Franco [Pineapple Express]
Jim Carrey [Yes Man]
Steve Carrell [Get Smart]

BEST VILLAIN
Derek Mears [Friday the 13th]
Dwayne Johnson [Get Smart]
Heath Ledger [The Dark Knight]
Johnathon Schaech [Prom Night]
Luke Goss [Hellboy II: The Golden Army]

BEST KISS
Angelina Jolie & James McAvoy [Wanted]
Freida Pinto & Dev Patel [Slumdog Millionaire]
James Franco & Sean Penn [Milk]
Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson [Twilight]
Paul Rudd & Thomas Lennon [I Love You, Man]
Vanessa Hudgens & Zac Efron [High School Musical 3: Senior Year]

BEST FIGHT
Anne Hathaway vs Kate Hudson // Bridal Cat Fight [Bride Wars]
Christian Bale vs Heath Ledger // Battle Over Gotham [The Dark Knight]
Robert Pattinson vs Cam Gigandet // Vampire Showdown [Twilight]
Ron Perlman vs Luke Goss // Battle in Hell [Hellboy II: The Golden Army]
Seth Rogen and James Franco vs Danny McBride // 3 Way Stoner Fight [Pineapple Express]

BEST WTF MOMENT
Peeing In The Sink // Amy Poehler [Baby Mama]
Curved Bullet Kill // Angelina Jolie [Wanted]
Jumping In The Poop Shed // Ayush Mahesh Khedekar [Slumdog Millionaire]
Tasting Decapitated Head // Ben Stiller [Tropic Thunder]
Naked Breaking Up // Jason Segel and Kristen Bell [Forgetting Sarah Marshall]

BEST SONG FROM A MOVIE
A.R. Rahman // “Jai Ho” // Slumdog Millionaire
Bruce Springsteen // “The Wrestler” // The Wrestler
Miley Cyrus // “The Climb” // Hannah Montana: The Movie
Paramore // “Decode” // Twilight

MY PERSONAL PRE-SHOW TAKE
With this being the MTV Movie Awards you gotta know that it’s a GIANT popularity contest. So although it won’t deserve EVERY award that it and its stars will receive, Twilight is bound to SWEEP the show. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Twilight…but I also know that it’s most likely going to win Best Movie…although I’m pretty sure that Slumdog Millionaire should be the winner. C’mon 8 Oscars…can’t be wrong. 😉 So it WILL be a Twilight sweep I’m sure, but I must say that if Rob Pattinson & Cam Gigandet beat out The Dark Knight…I’m gonna be pissed. 😦

PS: Who’s excited about ANDY SAMBERG hosting the show? I AM!!!
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MY POST-SHOW TAKE

So Twilight DID sweep the awards…and YES… I AM pissed about The Dark Knight losing to Twilight for best fight. Seriously. just…seriously. The Dark Knight guys…much better. However, I will admit that the intro to the show that Andy Samberg did was phenomenal! And my favorite part—Kristen Stewart dropping her award! HILARIOUS! 

And Jim Carrey’s acceptance speech was hilarious too! Overall a pretty okay show…I’ve liked the previous ones better, but the overdose of Robert Pattinson has made up for it all 😀


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Art In Me

So a few days ago, I blogged about how Jack’s Mannequin was accepting artwork from fans to use in their upcoming music video for their song SWIM (see post here).

Jack’s Mannequin songs have been such an inspiration to me at various points in the past couple of years. And SWIM is no different. It’s a song about hope, about fighting through things, about overcoming challenges and about working towards unity.

Because I’ve been so moved by their music, (more evidence here) I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with excitement to express my appreciation for what Andrew McMahon and the rest of J.M. pour their hearts, souls, and lives into. I don’t know if it WILL make the cut to be used in the video, but in any event, it’s here for you to see!

Here is my picture:

(click picture to enlarge)

Here are some things to note:

The forefront is the band—the ones who have poured out their honesty into lyrics that have reached me on numerous occasions

My family—my dad and stepmom are there; my dad who serves in the army, giving his heart and life for our nation. And my stepmom who stands by him, giving her heart and life for our combined family. My sister and my two nieces are there, reminding me to keep fighting for love and unity. And my mom is there, in her favorite sweater- the blue one. 😀 I always remember her in that sweater. And my brother is there too!

God- the one in the blue jeans, yellow shirt, and a slight ‘front butt.’ (hey, i never said i was a good artist). He has been the ULTIMATE inspiration to me, and this is how I see Him.

My friends—you’re all there, represented individually and/or in a mix of others represented.

YOU- the ones with no specific faces because it’s for you to imagine your face there 😀

New friends to follow—in the background. Those who I have yet to meet with a warm smile and big hug! 😀

You are all helping me to SWIM, and to fight, and to keep hoping! Thank you for helping me to remember to JUST KEEP MY HEAD ABOVE and SWIM!

😀 love you guys and gals!

http://www.youtube.com/v/ogPVW5hvH0o&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&border=1


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Big Bar Hair

Alrighty ladies and gents!

It’s that time again!  Time for me to get a haircut!  I have 4 weeks till I head back to the ATX and sometime between here and there I’m going to be getting my hair cut.  But, as with all good friends, I value your input. And I might also be a lemming.  So I’m asking you for your input on this one!  😀

Take a look at the picture of me currently and then look at the 4 options that follow.  From those, be thinking about which one you think would look the best on me.  Then, on the right hand side of the blog    ————->


there is a poll where you can vote on the haircut/style you think I should get.  

It’s completely anonymous, and whichever hairstyle wins the poll—i’m getting done.

The poll will close next week. 

Happy voting!

My hair now:

HAIRCUT #1:

HAIRCUT #2:

HAIRCUT #3:

HAIRCUT #4:


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City of Black & White

Came across a disconcerting, interesting article. Apparently, someone hasn’t gotten the memo about integration.

Room for Debate: Prom Excesses and Indignities (May 25, 2009)
Gillian Laub for The New York Times (source)

About now, high-school seniors everywhere slip into a glorious sort of limbo. Waiting out the final weeks of the school year, they begin rightfully to revel in the shared thrill of moving on. It is no different in south-central Georgia’s Montgomery County, made up of a few small towns set between fields of wire grass and sweet onion. The music is turned up. Homework languishes. The future looms large. But for the 54 students in the class of 2009 at Montgomery County High School, so, too, does the past. On May 1 — a balmy Friday evening — the white students held their senior prom. And the following night — a balmy Saturday — the black students had theirs.

The white students’ prom was held on May 1 at a community center in nearby Vidalia; the black students had theirs at the same place the following night.

Racially segregated proms have been held in Montgomery County — where about two-thirds of the population is white — almost every year since its schools were integrated in 1971. Such proms are, by many accounts, longstanding traditions in towns across the rural South, though in recent years a number of communities have successfully pushed for change. When the actor Morgan Freeman offered to pay for last year’s first-of-its-kind integrated prom at Charleston High School in Mississippi, his home state, the idea was quickly embraced by students — and rejected by a group of white parents, who held a competing “private” prom. (The effort is the subject of a documentary, “Prom Night in Mississippi,” which will be shown on HBO in July.) The senior proms held by Montgomery County High School students — referred to by many students as “the black-folks prom” and “the white-folks prom” — are organized outside school through student committees with the help of parents. All students are welcome at the black prom, though generally few if any white students show up. The white prom, students say, remains governed by a largely unspoken set of rules about who may come. Black members of the student council say they have asked school administrators about holding a single school-sponsored prom, but that, along with efforts to collaborate with white prom planners, has failed. According to Timothy Wiggs, the outgoing student council president and one of 21 black students graduating this year, “We just never get anywhere with it.” Principal Luke Smith says the school has no plans to sponsor a prom, noting that when it did so in 1995, attendance was poor.

Students of both races say that interracial friendships are common at Montgomery County High School. Black and white students also date one another, though often out of sight of judgmental parents. “Most of the students do want to have a prom together,” says Terra Fountain, a white 18-year-old who graduated from Montgomery County High School last year and is now living with her black boyfriend. “But it’s the white parents who say no. … They’re like, if you’re going with the black people, I’m not going to pay for it.”

“It’s awkward,” acknowledges JonPaul Edge, a senior who is white. “I have as many black friends as I do white friends. We do everything else together. We hang out. We play sports together. We go to class together. I don’t think anybody at our school is racist.” Trying to explain the continued existence of segregated proms, Edge falls back on the same reasoning offered by a number of white students and their parents. “It’s how it’s always been,” he says. “It’s just a tradition.”

Earlier this month, on the Friday night of the white prom, Kera Nobles, a senior who is black, and six of her black classmates drove over to the local community center where it was being held. Standing amid a crowd of about 80 parents, siblings and grandparents, they snapped pictures and whooped appreciatively as their white friends — blow-dried, boutonniered and glittering in a way that only high-school seniors can — did their “senior walk,” parading in elegant pairs into the prom. “We got stared at a little, being there,” said one black student, “but it wasn’t too bad.”

After the last couple were announced, after they watched the white people’s father-daughter dance and then, along with the other bystanders, were ushered by chaperones out the door, Kera and her friends piled into a nearby KFC to eat. Whatever elation they felt for their dressed-up classmates was quickly wearing off.

“My best friend is white,” said one senior girl, a little glumly. “She’s in there. She’s real cool, but I don’t understand. If they can be in there, why can’t everybody else?”

Niesha Bell, a senior, was voted queen of the black prom. Niesha’s mother, Angela Bell, graduated from Montgomery County High School in 1978 and also attended a racially segregated prom. “I don’t see how things will ever change around here,” says Angela, a cashier. “It’s hard to see my girl in the same situation I was in 30 years ago.”

Friends and family come together to watch the white students parade into their prom.
The seven teenagers — a mix of girls and boys — slowly worked their way through two buckets of fried chicken. They cracked jokes about the white people’s prom (“I feel bad for them! Their prom is lame!”). They puzzled merrily over white girls’ devotion both to tanning beds (“You don’t like black people, but you’re working your hardest to get as brown as I am!”) and also to the very boys who were excluded from the dance (“Half of those girls, when they get home, they’re gonna text a black boy”). They mused about whether white parents really believed that by keeping black people out of the prom, it would keep them out of their children’s lives (“You think there aren’t going to be black boys at college?”). And finally, more somberly, they questioned their white friends’ professed helplessness in the face of their parents’ prejudice (“You’re 18 years old! You’re old enough to smoke, drive, do whatever else you want to. Why aren’t you able to step up and say, ‘I want to have my senior prom with the people I’m graduating with?’ ”).

It was getting late now. KFC was closing. Another black teenager was mopping the floor nearby. A couple of the boys mentioned they had to wash their cars in the morning. Kera had an early hair appointment. The next night, they would dress up and dance raucously for four hours before tumbling back outside, one step closer to graduating. In the meantime, a girl named Angel checked her cellphone to see if any of the white kids had texted from inside their prom. They hadn’t. Angel shrugged. “I really don’t understand,” she said. “Because I’m thinking that these people love me and I love them, but I don’t know. Tonight’s a different story.”


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Dreaming My Dreams

I think it’s safe to say I had the WORST dream last night. It actually made me wake up crying. It took me a while… some prayer… and a lot of coffee… and some cupcakes to help me get my head straightened out.

In my dream, I had just had a baby, but it was premature… so I was released from the hospital… which was apparently a little run down, since the babies were kept on these cots with small mattresses and railings on the outsides. So I was driving back to the hospital early to go check on my baby girl. When I got there, the docs said that she had had a small heart attack of sorts earlier that morning, so they were there just monitoring her, since she was really fragile. She was so beautiful and I was so enamored with her. And so I was there, stroking her head and just praying so hard… for her to survive and pull through. And so I was there for hours (apparently) because one of the nurses came in and told me to go lay down in one of the rooms because I needed some rest.

And when I came to, they took me to see my baby, and she was different. Smaller. Weaker. And it was obviously a dream because when I woke up, the baby was in a small case and they told me that my daughter had some complications and they needed her to stay in the case, which was filled with ground beef and rice (they said that the sensation of the rice and meat on her limbs would help her gain muscle strength). So I held the case and rocked her in my arms for hours while continually believing she’d pull through. Why I didn’t notice the weirdness of rocking a plastic case or rice and meat…i dunno..again.. what dreams are made of. So then I realized I had covered the baby’s face in rice and i freaked out. I handed her over to a nurse who tried desperately to save her from choking on rice and meat. And when they brought her out of the case, I noticed she looked odd… but I didn’t say anything. But when the baby got up and started walking (yes, walking) they noted that she had grown a ‘trunk’ and I was like, “A what?”

They said that the trunk is like the spine that helps her walk and sit up. And then when I looked at the baby, she looked a LOT like a Cupie Doll…but like a baby sized one… like so:

Creepy right? So I was like, this isn’t my daughter. I don’t know what happened…but that’s not her.

And the nurses looked at each other… and then one of them came up to me and was like. I’m sorry. But after being physicians for your sister for so many years, we knew what kind of mother she is and we didn’t want to risk your child being raised the same way.

(Let me clarify: My sister is NOT a bad mother…she is simply a young mother. I know that she does the best she can and she has learned a lot over the years. There are many things she does that I wouldn’t necessarily choose in raising a child, but I know that she is still a good, loving mother who enjoys her children and tries to make life worthwhile for her kids.)

So the nurse told me that they killed my daughter while I was sleeping in the room and started a process to grow a baby that couldn’t be harmed for me to take home and raise. Like growing a baby a la sea monkey type stuff. I was so heartbroken and I was screaming at the nurse: I AM NOT LIKE MY SISTER! I AM A COMPLETE OPPOSITE! YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER! And I woke up, crying so hard.

It was completely bizarre. Just…every aspect of it. I hope I never have to go through that dream again. 😦

PS: I know that as of late I’ve been talking about babies frequently, but I just need to clarify that I’m not in any RUSH to have kids…natural or adopted.


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Blame It On Me

Today was full of ups and downs…

We’ll start with the ups. This morning’s service was so good…In the Jr. High we had Maggie and Spencer, and Spencer’s older brother, Chris (who is a sophomore in high school)…who wanted to come because Spencer had been saying how much he has been loving Jr. High time for the past few weeks… 😀 yay! So I’m thinking of giving an open invitation to any High Schoolers at Westside who want to join us…because I can swing the teachings to reach both. And we did the Cinnamon Challenge and had so much fun! We were all laughing so hard! And after the teaching we finished off with a fun game of POISON..which is Spencer’s new favorite game! It was a hit!

A good in between was my Sunday morning nap. I did intend to eat lunch, but once i sat on my bed, i suddenly (okay, not suddenly) fell back and fell asleep… until about 4:30 p.m. It was a nice little nap. 😀

The down happened when I went to go babysit. In the past few weeks, I’ve been babysitting a lot and all the parents of the kids I’ve babysat have been so happy with the way I’ve babysat. They said that their kids get excited when they hear I’m coming over to babysit, and that the kids have dubbed me their Number One babysitter 😀 which is odd because i hardly did ANY babysitting (except for my niece) when I was back in Austin. But not I’m suddenly number one. Which makes me feel like I have this big thing to live up to and if I mess up, it’s a sign that I’m not as good as others think I am…but that’s a whole other issue I’m currently working out in my life.

But the whole evening of babysitting was going well until I had finally calmed the kids down while watching Ice Age…and decided (now regrettably) to step out into the back deck for 5 minutes to sweep up the nacho mess the kids had made. Usually when I babysit, I like to also pitch in and clean things up, just because I know it’s calming for the mom to come home and not have to do damage control… So I had been playing with the kids all afternoon, and checking in on them in each of their play areas, bandaging boo boos, teaching that their friendships and relationships are more important than who got the last handful of popcorn, and playing fairy warrior princess (with my fellow princesses) to defend my end of the deck against the dark warrior boys… and then when going from place to place, letting the kids know that i was cleaning parts of the kitchen and to come get me if things got out of hand. They’re normally really good about it, so I’ve had no problems. But in that 5 minutes I took to sneak away from the popcorn eating kiddos…their parents had come home to find tornado alley in the living room…popcorn everywhere and kids running around like maniacs. Needless to say, I felt like a HUGE FAILURE. I know that it must have looked like I was the WORST babysitter ever. They probably thought that I didn’t care about watching their kids at all…or that I was a negligent babysitter. Needless to say…I’ll never risk that break time again…if i ever get the chance to redeem myself. I guess I may not be babysitting for a long while now. And I’m pretty sure I’ve forfeited my spot at number one. 😦

But to end on a positive note, I’m recovering from the bruised ego with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Low Fat Frozen Yogurt (Cherry Garcia)

I think this current whirlwind of emotions I’m on is seriously tweaking my ability to function.