Mark your calendars, boys and squirrels!
On November 15th, I will be embarking on a new ADVENTURE!
Yes, my friends, for the first time in 30 wonderful years, I will be having all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed! :O
Here’s a glimpse into how I’m feeling about it all:
(taken from my discussion with the dentist yesterday)
Dentist: Okay so with your coverage, you can choose from any of the anesthetic options. We can do a basic Valium and laughing gas combination or I can give you an IV of sedatives that will keep you from feeling anything and will make you forget that you were even here. There are also many options in between, depending on how strong you are.
Me: Y’know, doc. The offer for the less intense anesthesia sounds really tempting, but in this situation I’m gonna go with, “LET’S JUST FORGET THE WHOLE THING HAPPENED.”
Look guys, I’m not generally one to condone heavy drugs, but for crying out loud, my pain tolerance is ZERO. In fact, I always say that if it’s possible, I’d like to take the epidural BEFORE I get pregnant. 😉
That said, November 15th is gonna be a crazy day. I will be One Wild Amo! The doc said I’ll need someone to drop me off and pick me up and stay with me for a few hours after the procedure. Therefore, I’ve put together a short application for those interested in being my Wisdom Chomper Nanny that day.
Qualifications for my WCN Applicant to consider:
- You’ll need a car and possibly a dolly to roll my ridiculous self outta that office.
- You’ll need to be able to handle random outbursts of laughter/tears/gas
- You’ll need to be able to drive your car while having your eyes shut for that odd moment where I randomly panic and reach over while shouting about the Decepticons coming to blast us all to pieces!
- You’ll need to be able to spoon feed me soup while I stare into your eyes, professing my deepest love and affection for you. Be prepared for me to call you things like Shia LaBeouf or James McAvoy, and for repeated compliments of your role in Eagle Eye or X-Men: First Class.
- You’ll need to be able to smack some sense into me when I start parading around my room in my Super Mario Pajamas making monkey noises and pretending to fly like Superman.
- You’ll need to be able to stick around for a few hours to make sure that I’m not dead and that I’m not trying to eat paper . . . or my sheets.
- You’ll need to have a high level of grace for the moment I bat my doe-eyed lashes and say, “Mandy made wetty in beddy.”
Sooooo, if you think you’re up for the task and you can be at my house to take me to my appointment at 8am on the 15th, please fill out the application by leaving a comment with your answers!
And stay tuned because you better believe it’s gonna be a crazy few days as I recover from getting my wisdom teeth removed. :O
Application for Amo’s Wisdom Chomper Nanny Position:
Please answer every question honestly. Snarky submissions much appreciated.
Also appreciated: Cashew Butter dipped Apples
- Would you be willing to take said Amo to the appointment in the morning and pick her up at the appropriate time, and continue to stay near her in her room for a few hours just to make sure she doesn’t start hallucinating to the point of defecation or self-harm?
- If Amo does happen to defecate on herself and follows it up with an, “Ooops… I crapped my pants!” do you promise to courtesy laugh?
- Do you like sci-fi/action flicks like Transformers/X-Men/The Avengers?
- Do you like TV shows such as: One Tree Hill, LOST, CSI:NY?
- Do you promise to still love and not judge Amo after she says something snarky under the influence of heavy drugs?
- Do you think there should be a limit to the amount of Pumpkin Soup and or Pumpkin Pudding that Amo will be eating after the procedure?
- Would you be willing to keep Amo’s tummy happy with healthy foods and not feel threatened when she slaps you and demands that you feed her an entire Marionberry Pie?
- Would you be comfortable having cashew butter smeared on your face to resemble a mustache and beard?
- Would you be willing to do “The Urkel” on demand?
- Would you be willing to pray for Amo as she’s recovering and read her passages of scripture to help her cope with the pain and drugs?
- Would you be willing to update the blog/FB/Twitter for Amo with pictures and anecdotes of the experience?
- Would you be willing to agree with Amo that something is worth “pinning” even if it’s not?
- What is your best advice for prepping to get your wisdom teeth removed and recovery from the procedure?
- Would you be willing to sing SOFT KITTY to Amo on request regardless of the frequency?
Thank you for taking the time to apply! I look forward to reviewing your answers and selecting the best candidate(s) for the job!
(Also, please let me know if you’d like spectator tickets to the Amo’s Doped-Up show!)